Flat lined in Belmont (MA)

At the risk of jumping the gun, what with 8 more business HOURS left to this pale of a year of 2011, we can report that sales in Belmont were flat compared to 2010. So far for 2011, 146 homes changed hands according to MLS. This compares out to 143 homes for the previous year. Flat yes, but to dig a bit deeper shows a bit of contour to the Real Estate terrain...

Days on market went form 78 days in 2010 down to a stealthy 58 in 2011. Average price rose from 780k to 804k. It would seem, from the numbers view at least, that we had somewhat of a bidding war on our little hands -- a little war, anyway. Buyers were there -- sellers were not...when someone did put the "chalet" on the market, it went.

Now let us not jump the gun in the other direction (read that as shoot ourselves in the foot -- or face). Buyers were not throwing themselves at anything and everything -- they were NOT willing to die by the sword if they failed to sign a Purchase and Sale. In fact, they kept their collective cool and allowed 42 listings to EXPIRE (no sale) in 2011. In 2010, they refused to ink deals on 35 homes.

What does it all mean -- not much, I should hazard. Flat sales in a bad market can be great, but it should be reminded at many times, flat surfaces are, indeed, as slippery as a slippery slope.

The Grass is Always "Greener" in the Kid's Room

Ok, so it is fall and we are not into thinking of grass but, it appears, there is more to grass than a trip to Home Depot

The other day, I take a fine cusotmer to a modest home that is, to say the least, not ready to be presented

Really not ready for showing: clothes strewn about, cereal in the sink -- 2 bedrooms that are not up to standards generally accepted today (I supposed one could sleep in a garage and call it a bedroom). I surely had nothing to say, yet the buyer persisted in the tour and went upstairs to said non standard bedrooms. As we entered the one on the left, the eyes of the buyer met mine -- both our noses twitched and, "Wow", said the buyer, "Bill Clinton must have slept here."

"Or," I replied, "at least he did NOT inhale here!"

"Good stuff," my buyer editorialized, "I wonder where the kid hides it."

We made no attempt to find the, uhh, shall we say "potpourri". Rather we exited the home and went our way. There are better homes in the town, you know...the greener grass thing -- especially because in this house, the grass gets smoked.

What to do with the underwater house...

...Do you have that lot in the swamp, that piece on the rocky slope that cannot be attained for six months during the ice season, that Condo converted from a 2-Family? Well, there is something you can do! We'll get to that in a moment, but first we must introduce our inspiration.

These folks at this link are marketing a fun and educational (don't you hate that phrase? I think they use it for Chia Pets!) way to own Real Estate. You can buy a postage stamp size plot of land, have the deed, title, porperty tax liens and the whole 9 yards in any and every state. Be a Donald Trump! So the web site screams. Loads of fun for the kiddies. I can just picture the young lads and lassies throwing out their XBoxes for the chance to stare at a property deed all day. Wow! This is more fun than having a star named after you! (Talk about money for nothing!) Oh yes, my brother paid to have a star named after me. Never could find its twinkles in the heavens...must have gotton sucked into the same black hole that took my "Bro's" cash. But back to real estate.

So if you do have that swamp to sell, that rock, that desert, New Orleans, whatever, subdvide into postage stamps and market it as an educational experience.

The kids'll hate you for being a nerd, but the lawyers will love you for life.

Location Location Location (or Strike 1, 2 3 "yer" out)

Up top there is the hackneyed expression, dare we say Mantra of real estate folk. I've never used it myself, for it smacks of late night Real Estate infomercials, but here below is a tale of a small broker who learned the lesson of "location,location,location" the hard way.

The small broker operates out of her house, does, maybe one buyer rep transaction a year, mostly cajoled out of her bridge club or soccer mom connections. A nice little business.

In this particular case, our broker harrangued a friend for weeks about listing a house. The friend had, in passing, mentioned that they were going to sell, and our little broker sprung into action.

Bought a listing post, had a sign printed up, figured out how to do the boston.com internet thing.

The friend had intended to go to a big office to list her home, but, well, our little broker offered a deep discount on the commission, and she got the listing.

Gave her husband the signage and told him to get a rubber hammer and bang that sucker into the front yard of the house.

And our little broker is ready! The phone rings within an hour and our little broker is set with her appointment book. She takes the call:

"How may I help you?" she asks.

"You're the one who needs help," a disturbed voice wreaks, "What the hell is that crap doing in my yard?"

"Pardon?" our now timid little broker replies.

"The 'For Sale' sign, you dope! What the hell is that doing in front of my house. I'm not selling my home. Your sign is up in front of the wrong house."

Now our little broker is a bit flustered, but the selling instinct kicks in -- never let a prospect go before YOU go for the sell. "Well, since it is up," she asks, "are you interested in talking about selling? I am sure the home is lovely and will..."

At which point she is met with a tirade of words not meant for "the King's English."

She is told her sign was, of late, posted on Xxxxx Place. It may be found in the trash of the subject house on Xxxxx Place. And, of course, her friend's home is on Xxxxx STREET! Location, Location, Location.

One wonders what the husband ate for breakfast that morning,...or for that matter, what he ate for dinner that night.

"Gang Busting" Agent is Just Gonna Get BUSTED

An acquaintance of mine brought to my attention an agent who is, I was assured, a powerhouse on the south shore, a veritable ball of energy and top producer:

“You know what her slogan is?” my compatriot opined.

“Nope,” I say with naught hint of slogan in mind.

“It is, get this…’I’LL SELL IT IN ONE DAY' ”, that’s what she tells people, and she is going gangbusters!”

“Wow I say,” and I am thinking – yikes! Is this agent stupid or what? Or maybe she does sell ‘em in 1 day, in which case she is not doing her clients any good, ‘cause to do that, ya gotta be dumping properties on the market, not pricing them properly!.

I looked at her “1 day” progress and it appears that the “gangs” she is busting are little gangs (I guess Hell’s Angels, the Tong, and the Winter Hill Boys are out of her market area). She has 3 listings – they are active; one has been active for 100 days. The ONE listing she HAS sold was on market for 164 DAYS (maybe she sells them in her dreams every night and does not remember to wake up!).

To her credit, she is party to another transaction – she was a buyer rep on a condo that was on market for 81 days. So … she has collected paychecks on TWO sales in the first 7 months of 2011 (2 condos; one for 200,000; the other for 329,000 – gang busters or ghost busters???).

But all this is not the issue: the issue that chokes me is that phrase “I'll sell it in ONE day.”

I asked my friend about that -- what if she does not off load in ONE day?: “Well,” I was told, “She says to them that she tried. She is working hard and it is not like she is doing anything wrong or illegal; she tried in good faith to do it.” And my heart goes BLIP!

I should suffer this agent to take a gander at Grynowski v Silvia, (1994 Mass. App. Div 173) before she goes around making “good faith” claims upon which she cannot deliver.

To quote Grynowski as it applies to Consumer Protection Laws here in Massachusetts, 93A (Consumer Protection Law) “imposes responsibility for false statements made in good faith. The broker [sic] can obtain no refuge from liability because of the statement being made innocently on her part.”

This little “gang buster” is attempting to induce sellers to list with her by using a bold and audacious claim. What happens when she does not deliver (and she has NEVER sold anything in 1 day)? What ancillary damages did her irresponsible slogan precipitate? What damage was caused to that owner whose condo languished on market for 164 days? These are great questions, and fairly well cover fiduciary responsibility, ethics and just plain common sense and honesty.

I am confident that NO agent or broker in my organization, COLDWELL BANKER, would spew out such a quantifier and then smile off the failure with an “I tried”. I am relieved that she and I do not share the same logo on our business cards.

And one thing is clear: she may be trying to go gangbusters, but if she keeps this chicanery up, she’s just going to get BUSTED.

Cutting the Numbers Down to Size 1st half year Belmont (MA)

As soon as all the brokers come back from vacation, there will be heard out of them such a whoop and holler in Belmont over the super duper sales numbers for the first half of 2011. According to MLS, the average price of a single family home that sold in the first half of 2011 ROSE about $130,000 over the $735,883 set in 2010 (for the same period). That ought to pay for a few “Cape Codders” on a Thursday night!…but hold it right there…

Those numbers, “ya see” were propelled through the roof by 4 sales of homes that clocked out at over $2 Million each – 2 of them for WELL over 2 Mil. In 2010, one home went for the milestone, barely reaching the bar and selling out at $2,001,000. Pull out those sales, and you have a very different story.

Looking at the mainstay of real estate, the 3 Bedroom home, we can get a clearer picture: in 2010, the average a sales price for 3 BR spreads was $658,110; in 2011, the average was $657,328 – down a tad and a different story from what the tabloids will tell you.

Aberration you say, perhaps (not!).

Looking at condos we see an even bigger spread. Average price for all condos ROSE from $469k in 2010 to $541k in 2011 (wow). Yet the skewers were there too, all over the new Cottage Area, where condos were selling to the Mitt Romneys of the world for $850k, $950k, even over 1 Million a pop.

Looking at the Belmont bread and butter condo – the 2 bedroom in a converted 2/3 family home, we hear a different tome: average price in the first 6 months 2010?…$326k; in 2011 it was down to $307k.

Not at all encouraging in view of the fact the 3BR single and the 2BR condo are the bastions of the first time buyer, and a first time buyer market is needed to propel a second time buyer market and the third time and so on. This may all trickle UP…and if it does, agents will be heading to the beer halls and bar rooms with a different reason for drinking.

Similar Sales are Somerville's Sales (MA) RE 1st half 2011

What we are trying to say with the tongue twister up top is that Somerville’s sales for the first half of 2011 exhibited a remarkable similarity to the same period in 2010. Starting with multi family properties, we count (according to MLS), 75 transactions in 2011. In 2010?…we count 75 transactions. Average days on market? 83 days…80 days for 2010. We may well speculate that the extra three days on market was the extra effort put out by our friendly real estate agents going the extra mile for their listing clients and negotiating ‘round the clock Friday through Sunday to get the average price up….(hey…stop laughing). At any rate, average price WAS up from a bit below $496k in 2010 to a whopping $531k in aught 11.

Singles? The 28 singles that sold did so in 71 days and allowed owners to cash out at an average of $457k. In 2010, the average was a tad over $453k. In the efforts of full disclosure, we should note that 39 homes cut the deed in the first six months of 2010.

Condos? well ever an interesting game. The similarity falls off in unit sales (157 for 2011 versus 211 for 2010), but that is offset by significantly higher prices -- $392k for 2011 up from 2010’s 369k. Average days on market grew from 78 to 88 (hard negotiating again?). Ya just can’t put a bead on condos – just like last year and the year before: maybe that is the best similarity of all.

No Big Splash for Watertown Real Estate Sales so far in 2011

Watertown buyers haven’t exactly made a big splash in real estate so far this year, but they haven’t exactly jumped a sinking ship either. Total numbers of units sold for the first 6months of 2011 were down compared to the same period in 2010, 159 for 2011 versus 174 for ’10, but the blame for the drop rests with the Condo “fleet”. In 2010, 114 new condo owners set sail on the rocky waves of ownership: in 2011, a mere 89 have tested the waters. Average price? Down in the shallows --- 4 grand less than 2010.

Single family sales were up in units sold and price. (42 for 2011, 33 in 2010; $475k vs. $472k on the average price front). And Multis?…up by one unit over 2010 to 28. Average price was up to $506k, an increase of $16,000 over 2010. The only problem with the Multi sales was that agents had to tread water for an average of 99 days before bringing the deal to safe harbor. It took a mere 30 days to do it in 2010.

There might be some smooth if not spectacular sailing ahead. Not much direction here, but if something need be taken away how about conjuring an image of the annoying agents who block the hydrant with her BMW NOSE DEEP TREADING WATER IN THE SALTY BRINE FOR 99 DAYS…works for me!

How is Real Estate Shakin' Down in Arlington MA so Far?

How's it shakin'? Well,...shake an apple tree and the apples fall down. You can say that, and that may well have a few of your local agents shaking in their boots, but hold on, take a breath -- innnnn, hold it:....outtttt. Now let us do some math...

Hmmm, carry the two add column one plus the seven and ah, -- according to MLS, that source of unyielding approbation amongst agents, total sales in Arlington fell (for the first 6 months of 2011) from 2010's 150 units down to 121: a drop of over 19 percent. Yet, lest we panic and jump out our windows, sniff some chocolate and bear with me:

Unit sales were down but prices were up: 69 singles swapped hands in 2010 (Jan-Jun) at an average price of $486k (give or take a few bucks). "Only" 56 "manses" blew out in the same period for 2011, but they did so for a whopping $562k -- over $75,000 more per home.

Condos you ask?. OK, I tell: 2010 saw 69 sets (yup, same number as single homes) of owners crossing pens at the closing tables. In 2011, a mere 60 condos swapped out. Average price in '10 was $397k; in '11 $379. A wee bit of motion sickness there, but let's not call TARP yet -- take a Pepto and call me in the morning...

Multis? Well, 12 in aught 10; a mere 5 in '11, with prices moving UP an average of EXACTLY $1,942 -- the number was so small, I "figgered" I had room to put it all in.

What can we make of all this? I "dunno", but it IS my turn to cook dinner tonight -- I'm suddenly in the mood for some "Shake-n-Bake".

F O R E !!!!!!! (closure)

Why, exactly do the pluggers yell, "FORE",before they hack the golf ball 30 yards into the zip code directly to the left?

I thought about this because, as our title intimates, foreclosures are, and have been on my mind lately. You see, there a foreclosure auction scheduled on the property next door to mine, and while in some climes, whole neighborhoods seem to be trending towards the "BIG F", in my corner of the world, it is as rare as a straight talking politician.

So "Fore" has been on my mind: Fore, as in beFORE, FOREfathers, FOREcastle, and so on and so on. You get the drift? "Fore" has something to do with "in fornt of" "ahead of" "the earlier in a sequence". So the golfer is yelling,. "Fore!", to tell everyone the sequence -- "I am going to hit the ball, then it is going to smash the windshield of that BMW yonder.

So, "Foreclosure" is saying (and this is being said by the "bank"). "We are going to do this," have an auction of YOUR home, "BEFORE we get closure to the promissory (Better to spell that 'I Promise I'm SORRY!') note you, the homeowner signed, with obviously your middle finger 'up-pointed' right at us."

Yup, that is what it is... a notification of a sequence of events...that is why they call it what they call it. Not that any of this matters to my neighbors...they are long gone: hightailed it back to the old country in the Pacific rim (stiffing the bank, the town the utilities, the newspaper boy and the guy who plowed out their driveway...).

Too bad, maybe the "bank" should have done something more proactive...maybe a "WayBeforeForeclosure".

Belmont Brings it Home (in May at least)

Brokers have not been doing "mother's hours", in Belmont at least. With about a week left in the flower month, 21 deals have been put into the books. 16 singles sold after 55 days on the market, compared to 11 for the ENTIRE MONTH OF MAY, 2010. In that 2010 May, 11 homes sold for an average of $754k. This year, the average price is a whopping $866 according to MLS.

Condo sales are down (3 so far vs 9 for last year's entire May) but average price is up (thanks to an 830K sale in Governor Romney's neighborhood.

Multis?...well, 1 on 2010, 2 in 2011 -- not much of a trend there unless you are looking at the trend of turning 2 Fams into mini Condo Associations.

So what's the mood in little Belmont? Well, as of today there are 107 props being offered for sale. Of the 58 singles in that group, 12 are currently entertaining offers (per flagging in MLS). Average days on market for those 58 singles for sale comes out to 81 days (note -- the ones that sold did it in an average of 55.
days).

And average price on those props still on the inventory shelf?...$1,148,178 -- nearly $300,000 MORE than the sold properties.

Looks like things are selling, but if you want to sell it, "ya" better price it where people can afford it.

May Fall Ours in Arlington (MA)

Get it? May fall ours...May Flowers?...Oh well.

A look at last year in Arlington shows up 64 sales in the residential world. This year, with a week or so to go, we've got 19 -- that's quite a fall. Unless there is a big change in the weather in the next week (and there "may" be -- 64 props are under agreement ready to close), we are gonna see a fall in sales.

Not that the folks who popped off those sales are complaining (well, maybe they are). Average sales for singles are up -- 527k vs 495 for last year. Condos ditto: up about 4k from last year. Fewer days on market meant that agents had more time to shuffle around the aisles of the new MarketBasket just up the road (maybe they shouldn't be doing that...there's 160 properties for sale in town!)

We are used to propes popping off the shelves in Arlington. Looking at the singles on market, we see the AVERAGE home is now on market for 71 days and counting; the counting won't stop until the dotted lines are signed. The homes that have already sold did so in 48 days on average (my listing business banged out in 30, but that is just me...note to self -- big pat on the back is due).

So where do we stand in all this? Maybe we are standing at the peak, or most likely a very long plateau...one thing is certain -- the grass is going to need cutting no matter.

Is it April Showers (How's it selling in Belmont, MA?)

Ok, so we blamed the snow for the lousy sales in January, but as Granny used to say, "wassamaddanow?". Must be the April showers.

So far this month in Belmont, 25 days into it, 7 "happy homemakers" have put out the "Welcome Home" mat. Last year, for the first 25 days of April, 16 new owners began the weekend trips to Home Depot or Lowe's for the new owner what-nots. Of those 16 props in 2010, 11 were singles, and they popped out at an average of 755,000 bucks. 2011's edition has 4 singles selling at an average of 702k. I know that is not a very big sample, but that may well speak volumes in itself. But take heart, there might be some May flowers abloomin'...there ARE 29 properties Under Agreement.

It is cloudy and drizzly today. A good day for umbrellas -- and Gene Kelly.

First Quarter Real Estate "Round Down"

Get it? Round-up? ... "down"?... Never mind. The idea up there was a hint that first quarter 2011 sales were down in numbers of transactions in 2011 versus 2010...at least in the areas that I haunt.

Looking at the 3 Musketeers of residential RE (Singles, Condos and Multis), only Watertown improved over 2010 in the seven towns where I did some work. Belmont was down 2 (32 in 2011 versus 34 for 2010), Newton dropped 7 units from 2020's 122; Lexington sank to 58 from 2010's 62. Waltham got "clocked" (get it? Waltham Watch/Clock Company?) -- down to 78 sales from 2020's 93. Medford finished out the quarter at 79 sales (11 below 2010); Arlington ran out at 69; 8 shy of 2010's total. Only Watertown upped the ante: 61 sales for Q1 2011 UP from 2010's 52.

I wouldn't put too much stock into this, yet folks. Let's wait 'til we review the numbers and the mix -- then we can decide what to do with "all" our stock...Stay tuned.

The Race is ON in Somerville

Can you believe it?...2 weeks left and we are DONE with the first quarter of 2011. How time flies -- seems like only last year I was sniffing mimeograph paper and discovering the joys of watching Valerie Werner smooth out her "Bobbie Brooks" (but that is another story).

At any rate, at the risk of jumping the gun, I feel it is time to begin the look see at how Real Estate is holding up in my corner of the world, and today we will start off with Somerville and its agents as they race to the 1st quarter finish line.

So far this year, according to MLS, 64 properties have had the "T's" crossed and the "i's" dotted on the bottom line (6 singles, 35 condos, 23 multi-fams) -- SO FAR, we say. In the first quarter of last year (the full quarter) 107 properties did the ol' fliperino. Doesn't look good does it? But wait...

Digging a little deeper finds us a few nuggets of hope; we see (through the fog) 33 properties are Under Agreement and are scheduled to close by 3/31/11. According to these projections, the first quarter of 2011 in Somerville will close out with 98 transactions, about an 8% drop. That is nothing to toot our horns about, but it is, likewise, no reason for Chicken Little to be running about saying the sky is falling. The "goodest news" (as my grandmother used to day when she worked at the First National [remember the FN?...remember the JUMBO for that matter?]) -- the goodest news is in Condo sales, where days on market have fallen from 2010's 123 days to 108 (so far) days in 2011.

No real bad news here. The "baddest" we can find is that agents may well have to ride the Lexus about for another season before trading up to the Beemer.

Cond-OH!!!-nos in Belmont Sales up in 2011 so far...

Surprise, surprise... Belmont, the town that boasts itself as "THE TOWN OF HOMES", saw some "non-home action"! While the single home situation languishes in what folks say is the snow storm malaise (4 sales for January and February -- the worst ever), condominium sales in Belmont had their best year EVER in transactions as well as average price (aided by 2 big gun "Mitt Romney type" townhomes in the Woodlands)!

15 Condos had the ol' master deed docs and 6D's done over for new owners in January and February of 2011. That "one-ups" the previous best (2006) by ONE. Average price? 537k; taking out 2007's previously "Ruthian" tab of 512k. It took agents 108 days to get the job done; you have to go back to 2006 to find "better days" (2006 did it in an average of 97 days).

We can speculate on what this means for "The Town of Homes"; have we priced ourselves out of the market? or is Belmont going through the inevitable "Cambridgeification?...or perhaps is it what I call the "Condo-many-of-them Syndrome"...so many of them for sale.

A quick look at MLS shows us that as of this morning (3/3/11) there are 27 Single family homes for sale in Belmont: average offering price $1,076,000. And Condos?...well surprise, surprise there is a neat bookend of ALSO 27 condos for sale (average offer price $521k). One would think all is parity, but let us dig a tad deeper:

In the last 6 months, 5 single family home listings went EXPIRED -- read that as failed to sell during contract time. 21 condos struck out in that same period of time. It seems there is a "Shadow Market in Condos". Lots of folks want to sell 'em but they know there is no one to buy 'em. It is sort of like all those souls who have just given up on looking for a job and, as such, are NO LONGER counted in unemployment stats.

The crux of the problem may well go back to the craze that took off around 2004 when lots of 2 families were bought up and converted to condos: I call that the era of Con-DUMB-iniums and have written about it in these pages (search under the "Condominium Category" to the right, and you will find it). These condo buyers were newbies in a new strange land -- a "Town of Townhouses" (really flats that echo with he footfalls of the upstairs neighbor), and now they want out -- but they can't get out. And we are not even talking about the "under water owners".

What does this all mean? Who knows (again), but maybe agents should put on their urban thinking caps and start talking about Belmont as a "City of Apartment Dwellers" instead of a Town of Homes. It may well add up to a few more paychecks

Watertown Home Sales for 2011 so far so good...

Yesterday, we looked at Belmont and saw that the first 2 months of the year saw a mere 4 new homeowners hanging out the Welcome signs. It has been speculated that the poor showing is related to the storms that have tortured the minds and frozen the pocketbooks of buyers. Today however, we look at Watertown and see a different story.

For the first 2 months of 2011, Watertown has 8 closings; sure that is down from the 10 consummated deals in 2010 but right in line with recent history -- stormy weather notwithstanding. Going back to 2005, we see first two month sales being at a low of 6 and a high of 12. Average days on market, by the way were a stealthy 69. Average price?... they were skewered to the high side by the very unusual home on Garfield that sold for $1,250,000 (a palace for sure -- you can buy 3 homes in Watertown for that). Be that as it may, the so called Belmont SNOW DAZE, does not appear to have been seen in Watertown...who knows maybe it is the weather...after all Watertown IS south of Belmont, right?

Belmont (MA) Sales (or no sales) review YTD 2011

Yeah, we got one more day to go, and I'll be waiting with baited (or holding until I turn blue) breath to see the numbers from the last 6 hours of February 2011 Deed recordings, but as of now, the numbers are in and they are, uhhh, well little numbers:

In Belmont, 4 homes were sold in the first 2 months of 2011. The good news here is that you can cut off your thumb and still use your left hand for the arithmetic (not good news). Days on market? It took agents 107 days to get the job done (about a week longer than it took them to do it in 2010 [101]).

The four homes sold went for an average of (let's see, add the pinky to the ring finger, the pointer and the no-no middle digit, divide by the life line and you get...) $724,000. That is a drop of 50 Grand from the sales in the same period as last year (where, by the way, 11 homes had the locks changed).

So let us see: it took longer to sell...they did not sell as many...they dumped 'em for a 6.5% drop below 2010's sales.

A lot of agents are talking about the snow: is it true or is it snow job aimed at blinding all of us to the real storm on the horizon? I went back 15 years and looked at sales for the same period. We've had some pretty nice winters in the last 15 years -- we've had some pretty crappy ones too. In the same two month period, 2009 comes in at 9 sales. Other than that, going back to 1996, sales for the 2 month period have been between a low of ten (in 2001), and a high of 24 (1999). Three times, sales hit 17; four times they came in at 14; twice at 16; twice at 18. FOUR SALES IN THE PERIOD IS DISMAL, plain and simple.

It's the weather we are being told. No one wants to buy; no one wants to sell; there's ice on the roads. Never mind that folks are more petrified for their livelihoods -- that the slippery roads are no match for New Englanders, but the slippery economic road we all may be taking may well be a journey too daunting. Never mind... we have our cheerful eternal optimist agent telling us all is well.

" 's no tellin' (get it? snow...'s no) telling what will happen next, but one thing is for certain -- we all need to get out the shovels. One way or the other we will be shovelling -- either snow or optimistic B.S., who's to say?

Ghost Writing on the Wall

She comes to me and says, "I am interested in a home that is haunted."

I mishear -- I think she says something about hunting as in a hunting lodge.

Oh, heavens no,no,no she disputes, "NO I said haunted as in ghosts."

Now folks, I do not believe in ghosts. I also do NOT believe in Democrats in the White House, but they ARE there for the moment, so maybe just maybe there are ghosts.

"Sadly," I say, "when I search for ghosts, it does not come up on MLS."

"Oh, dearie", she laughs, "of course they won't come up. They are ghosts, they hide. We won't know until we get into the home. I'll feel them."

"Why," I foolishly ask (never ask a question unless you already know they answer!), "why do you needs ghosts?"

"Well, I am single, "she says, "and I am afraid to be alone at night. The ghosts will keep me company." Crissakes, I think to myself: I am in Great Expectations showing property to Miss Haversham...where's Estella when you need her (she was the Hot One!)...just my luck.

We head to one wreck in Billerica. What luck! She hears sound from above -- an "otherworldly presence coming down." Turns out it was squirrels in the attic.

We go to a dump in Burlington: sadly she prefers her ghosts to be Kosher -- I AM not MAKING THIS UP! (do ghosts eat?).

At the third home she looks at me and says, "I should have known you'd bring me to a place like this. Looks like something out of the Vampire Diaries! I knew it would come to this."

"Say wha'?", I stammer.

"Well look at you," she posits, "those sunk in cheeks, you are rail thin and youthful yet have the wear of the ages in your face, those eyes; big round, dark that seem to want to fly out of your head..." [note to myself -- oh brother, get me "outta" here!] "...Yes, you have the look of a benevolent vampire about you. NO no no...I want ghosts, not vampires to share my life."

Well folks, no sale, but I have to look at the bright side. I have a first time buyer who's not scared! I sent her to Bank of America for her preapproval -- if that don't scare her, nothing will!

Un-Staging

Everybody knows about staging. Okay, so maybe a few of you good folks do not, so by way of quick explanation, "Staging" is a concept wherein a seller prepares the home for sale by doing cockamamie things that the "home stagers" tell you will sell your home FASTFASTFAST.

Now, folks, you and I know that so nobody is fooled by some bric-a-brac bought at the local Homegoods store, or candles burning in the alcove. We ALL know that in order to sell a home FASTFASTFAST, you have to price it RIGHTRIGHTRIGHT.

I have never been one for staging. It all looks so phony to me. I walk into a "staged" home and I think of Ikea; I smell the scented candles and I want to sneeze at best (at worst, I want to look behind the fridge for the mildew).

No folks, I do not like staging, but that does not mean I am in favor of UN-STAGING...

UN-Staging is a concept I developed. I tell my clients that we must make sure not to unstage and they ask, "What, perchance is that?"

Un-staging is what I call the act of NOT doing those things that will turn off a buyer or, at best, mitigate against a favorable offer. Herewith is a list of UN-Staging items -- things we should not do:

Do not leave the foreclosure notice on the dining room table -- No one is going to up their offer for your home if they know you are in hock up to your hams. Likewise the overdue bills.

Do not show off your pets -- Fido suffers from "bad breath in dog's mouth", sorry to tell you that (you smell just like him after all these years of letting him sit in your lap). No one thinks your dog is cute. As soon as I see a free range dog, I begin to wonder where is the wee-wee stain from those paper training days.

Cats -- forget it, lock 'em up. Every five minutes they are hurling a hair ball; the litter box stinks and the food on the floor is gross.

Hubby -- if the man of the house uses male enhancement, for goodness sakes, hide the bottle; do not leave it on the dresser. We ALL know what goes on in the bedroom, and we may even go to a movie and watch Sasha Gray do it in mind boggling concatenations of styling, but we DO NOT want to think about YOU doing it. While you are at it,...change the bedsheets.

We have all been told that cooking makes a buyer feel all warm and fuzzy, but DO NOT leave the stew on the stove during a showing. The whole recipe is going to boil down to a tarry mass while you are gone and the house will stink like burnt rubber.

I love fireplaces, but do NOT leave 'em going when I show up with a prospective buyer. The only message that can come of this is, "What kind of a moron lives here who would light a fireplace and leave?"

Do not put the dirty diapers into the diaper bin -- they still stink! You just can't smell it anymore. Put the whole bin outside. While you are at it, take down some of Junior's picture. Too many pictures makes the house look too well lived in.

Don't use the basement for storage! If "ya got" clutter, rent a place. Boxes piled high just look like you are hiding something.

Hide the magazine collections. We are all very impressed knowing you read the New Yorker...this week's issue is just fine, but we DON'T need to see them going back to 1965.

Don't leave 3 weeks of leftovers in the fridge. It smells, and at any rate, the fridge may well be part of the offer. Even if it is not, the buyers are going to open it.

Do you really need to leave that box of Trojan's in the medicine cabinet? Do you really need to leave the "Girls Gone Wild" DVDs on the night rest? If you do, at least leave a copy of Citizen Kane there.

DO NOT vacuum TOMORROW! Do it today.

Do not soak the dishes.

Do NOT smoke...EVER. In fact, stop smoking TEN YEARS before you decide to sell. That is how long the nicotine is going to take to dry out of your wall board.

Don't leave fancy chocolates around...good ol' Hershey works just fine. I mean, it might not have an impact on selling the home but, well, what I mean is...I like Hershey...