Open House???

It is an Open House...I am down in the basement with a rather attentive couple. They are asking this and they are asking that and I am smelling "Offer to Purchase". They head out the basement door to talk things over and I head back upstairs to attend to the footfalls of other prospective buyers. I hazard not more than a small glance at the old woman sitting serenly at the kitchen table. I do notice, however, that she has a bemused calm about her, as though the years between the gentile time of her day and the harsh electronic nonsense of today have filled her not with a sense of doom, but of blissful longing for a simpler time.

Great, I say to myself. Perchance she will have a good word with one of the other prospects -- the one with whom she came. She'll say something about how the house glistens with the charm of another time and she would happily bequest a chunk of her estate to the purchase of this property.

I spend a few minutes in this agent reverie, and even pass her again. I proffer her a smile and a "How you do?"

"Oh, fine," she says, "A cup of tea would be nice about now."

I smile and joke, "I'll see what I can do, but right now I MUST excuse myself to attend business."

"You're excused," she says.

A few moments pass, and, inexplicably, my Open House is empty. I catch my breath to prepare for another wave -- the final 15 minutes. I sigh and think about how hard we sales folk do work -- sometimes. I begin to expend air into another sigh, when that mournful moan is cut short by one from another set of vocal chords...coming from the KITCHEN.

It is the serene old lady. Sitting there, calm as ever.

"Is there something I can do for you?" I ask her.

"That cup of tea you mentioned would be nice."

"Are you with someone."

"Heaven's no. I walked here all alone. When will Ida be coming home?"

At this I quake, for there is no Ida in this house, and I duly report this to her.

"Oh!", she exclaims, "I must have walked into the wrong house!" and she gets up to head to the door rattling off a litany of apologies the length of which you would expect to hear from a "Perp" who just got nailed stealing the Police Commissioner's car.

I tell her it is all right. I close up the house. I offer her a ride. She accepts. My reveries of a fat commission check are put on hold, and as I drive her down the road, she breaks me from my dismal state when she asks, "Tell me young man, that Green place that is in the center of town, that Starbucks,...do you think they might have a cup of tea in there for me?...And you?

The Grass is Always "Greener" in the Kid's Room

Ok, so it is fall and we are not into thinking of grass but, it appears, there is more to grass than a trip to Home Depot

The other day, I take a fine cusotmer to a modest home that is, to say the least, not ready to be presented

Really not ready for showing: clothes strewn about, cereal in the sink -- 2 bedrooms that are not up to standards generally accepted today (I supposed one could sleep in a garage and call it a bedroom). I surely had nothing to say, yet the buyer persisted in the tour and went upstairs to said non standard bedrooms. As we entered the one on the left, the eyes of the buyer met mine -- both our noses twitched and, "Wow", said the buyer, "Bill Clinton must have slept here."

"Or," I replied, "at least he did NOT inhale here!"

"Good stuff," my buyer editorialized, "I wonder where the kid hides it."

We made no attempt to find the, uhh, shall we say "potpourri". Rather we exited the home and went our way. There are better homes in the town, you know...the greener grass thing -- especially because in this house, the grass gets smoked.

What to do with the underwater house...

...Do you have that lot in the swamp, that piece on the rocky slope that cannot be attained for six months during the ice season, that Condo converted from a 2-Family? Well, there is something you can do! We'll get to that in a moment, but first we must introduce our inspiration.

These folks at this link are marketing a fun and educational (don't you hate that phrase? I think they use it for Chia Pets!) way to own Real Estate. You can buy a postage stamp size plot of land, have the deed, title, porperty tax liens and the whole 9 yards in any and every state. Be a Donald Trump! So the web site screams. Loads of fun for the kiddies. I can just picture the young lads and lassies throwing out their XBoxes for the chance to stare at a property deed all day. Wow! This is more fun than having a star named after you! (Talk about money for nothing!) Oh yes, my brother paid to have a star named after me. Never could find its twinkles in the heavens...must have gotton sucked into the same black hole that took my "Bro's" cash. But back to real estate.

So if you do have that swamp to sell, that rock, that desert, New Orleans, whatever, subdvide into postage stamps and market it as an educational experience.

The kids'll hate you for being a nerd, but the lawyers will love you for life.

When they write X, they really mean Y

When they write -- they mean...

Old charmer - an old and ugly house
Stunning house - the house is not ugly
Tudor - two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter
Cape Cod - styled after Third World slum dwellings
Sunny corner lot - noisy intersection of two busy streets
Easy freeway access - noisy arterial street close to freeway
Low maintenance lot - no yard; the kids will have to play in the street
Meticulously maintained in the original condition - the appliances are 50 years old
Ready to remodel - the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in
Newly remodeled kitchen - 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents
Ready to move in - the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint
Desirable neighborhood - this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
1 car garage - you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door
In-city living - it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark
Recreation room with wet bar - basement has been painted and has a faucet
Large family room - large basement
Bedroom in basement - basement has a 1′ by 2′ window
Lots of storage space - basement too small to be called a family room
Partial mountain view - you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof
Territorial view - good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
Build sweat equity - the house is not inhabitable
Storybook - the house is old and the roof is not flat
Efficiently designed kitchen - the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time
Seasonal creek - muddy ditch across the property
Usable land - all the trees are gone.
Doll-house - tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.
Country living - too far from anywhere to drive to work
Country in the city - a grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I
Cozy - not a single room could fit a full size bed
Three season sunroom - a small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate
Close to all amenities - the backyard is a shopping mall parking
Beachfront property, complete remodeling in 1996, a steal at this asking price - hurricane Andrew motivated the remodeling; no hurricane insurance available, at any price
Must see inside - the outside is ugly
Motivated sellers - subtract 15% from the asking price
Easy to heat - see “cozy”
Wildlife nearby - children and pets get ticks and fleas
Near transportation - Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night
Pet friendly neighborhood - organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn
Neighborhood watch - your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house
Just available - previous owner just died on the premises, hope you don’t believe in ghosts

Location Location Location (or Strike 1, 2 3 "yer" out)

Up top there is the hackneyed expression, dare we say Mantra of real estate folk. I've never used it myself, for it smacks of late night Real Estate infomercials, but here below is a tale of a small broker who learned the lesson of "location,location,location" the hard way.

The small broker operates out of her house, does, maybe one buyer rep transaction a year, mostly cajoled out of her bridge club or soccer mom connections. A nice little business.

In this particular case, our broker harrangued a friend for weeks about listing a house. The friend had, in passing, mentioned that they were going to sell, and our little broker sprung into action.

Bought a listing post, had a sign printed up, figured out how to do the boston.com internet thing.

The friend had intended to go to a big office to list her home, but, well, our little broker offered a deep discount on the commission, and she got the listing.

Gave her husband the signage and told him to get a rubber hammer and bang that sucker into the front yard of the house.

And our little broker is ready! The phone rings within an hour and our little broker is set with her appointment book. She takes the call:

"How may I help you?" she asks.

"You're the one who needs help," a disturbed voice wreaks, "What the hell is that crap doing in my yard?"

"Pardon?" our now timid little broker replies.

"The 'For Sale' sign, you dope! What the hell is that doing in front of my house. I'm not selling my home. Your sign is up in front of the wrong house."

Now our little broker is a bit flustered, but the selling instinct kicks in -- never let a prospect go before YOU go for the sell. "Well, since it is up," she asks, "are you interested in talking about selling? I am sure the home is lovely and will..."

At which point she is met with a tirade of words not meant for "the King's English."

She is told her sign was, of late, posted on Xxxxx Place. It may be found in the trash of the subject house on Xxxxx Place. And, of course, her friend's home is on Xxxxx STREET! Location, Location, Location.

One wonders what the husband ate for breakfast that morning,...or for that matter, what he ate for dinner that night.

How is Real Estate Shakin' Down in Arlington MA so Far?

How's it shakin'? Well,...shake an apple tree and the apples fall down. You can say that, and that may well have a few of your local agents shaking in their boots, but hold on, take a breath -- innnnn, hold it:....outtttt. Now let us do some math...

Hmmm, carry the two add column one plus the seven and ah, -- according to MLS, that source of unyielding approbation amongst agents, total sales in Arlington fell (for the first 6 months of 2011) from 2010's 150 units down to 121: a drop of over 19 percent. Yet, lest we panic and jump out our windows, sniff some chocolate and bear with me:

Unit sales were down but prices were up: 69 singles swapped hands in 2010 (Jan-Jun) at an average price of $486k (give or take a few bucks). "Only" 56 "manses" blew out in the same period for 2011, but they did so for a whopping $562k -- over $75,000 more per home.

Condos you ask?. OK, I tell: 2010 saw 69 sets (yup, same number as single homes) of owners crossing pens at the closing tables. In 2011, a mere 60 condos swapped out. Average price in '10 was $397k; in '11 $379. A wee bit of motion sickness there, but let's not call TARP yet -- take a Pepto and call me in the morning...

Multis? Well, 12 in aught 10; a mere 5 in '11, with prices moving UP an average of EXACTLY $1,942 -- the number was so small, I "figgered" I had room to put it all in.

What can we make of all this? I "dunno", but it IS my turn to cook dinner tonight -- I'm suddenly in the mood for some "Shake-n-Bake".

Waltham gets "Clocked"

Right in the kisser -- that's where sales of took it in the first half of 2011. Looking at details out of MLS, we can count out 112 single homes that were thrown into the ring. This goes up against 134 homes for the same period in 2010 (Yur outta the weight class, baby!). Average sale price fell to $389k from 2010's 417k, and if that was not bad enough, sellers had to listen to their brokers whine for an average of 108 days: this compares to only 63 days of snivelling from brokers in 2010!

And the situation is the same for the "middleweight" class of ownership -- condos. 91 sold in 2011 down from 2010's 123. Average price?...310k in '11 and 382k in 2010. About the only thing going for condos were the days on market: agents toiled 69 days in '11 to sell the units. In 2010 they took 85.

Multis, in their small market showed a tad of promise. Average sale price up 7l to 462k, and the 23 sales topped 2010's 17.

It is too early to say Waltham is down for the count; premature to "throw in the towel" as they say. Aferall, there are 6 more rounds to go and the final story is yet to be told. To keep the boxing metaphor going, we shall ask: will it be "Cinderella Man" or will it be "Reqiem for a Heavyweight"?

May Fall Ours in Arlington (MA)

Get it? May fall ours...May Flowers?...Oh well.

A look at last year in Arlington shows up 64 sales in the residential world. This year, with a week or so to go, we've got 19 -- that's quite a fall. Unless there is a big change in the weather in the next week (and there "may" be -- 64 props are under agreement ready to close), we are gonna see a fall in sales.

Not that the folks who popped off those sales are complaining (well, maybe they are). Average sales for singles are up -- 527k vs 495 for last year. Condos ditto: up about 4k from last year. Fewer days on market meant that agents had more time to shuffle around the aisles of the new MarketBasket just up the road (maybe they shouldn't be doing that...there's 160 properties for sale in town!)

We are used to propes popping off the shelves in Arlington. Looking at the singles on market, we see the AVERAGE home is now on market for 71 days and counting; the counting won't stop until the dotted lines are signed. The homes that have already sold did so in 48 days on average (my listing business banged out in 30, but that is just me...note to self -- big pat on the back is due).

So where do we stand in all this? Maybe we are standing at the peak, or most likely a very long plateau...one thing is certain -- the grass is going to need cutting no matter.

Is it April Showers (How's it selling in Belmont, MA?)

Ok, so we blamed the snow for the lousy sales in January, but as Granny used to say, "wassamaddanow?". Must be the April showers.

So far this month in Belmont, 25 days into it, 7 "happy homemakers" have put out the "Welcome Home" mat. Last year, for the first 25 days of April, 16 new owners began the weekend trips to Home Depot or Lowe's for the new owner what-nots. Of those 16 props in 2010, 11 were singles, and they popped out at an average of 755,000 bucks. 2011's edition has 4 singles selling at an average of 702k. I know that is not a very big sample, but that may well speak volumes in itself. But take heart, there might be some May flowers abloomin'...there ARE 29 properties Under Agreement.

It is cloudy and drizzly today. A good day for umbrellas -- and Gene Kelly.

The Race is ON in Somerville

Can you believe it?...2 weeks left and we are DONE with the first quarter of 2011. How time flies -- seems like only last year I was sniffing mimeograph paper and discovering the joys of watching Valerie Werner smooth out her "Bobbie Brooks" (but that is another story).

At any rate, at the risk of jumping the gun, I feel it is time to begin the look see at how Real Estate is holding up in my corner of the world, and today we will start off with Somerville and its agents as they race to the 1st quarter finish line.

So far this year, according to MLS, 64 properties have had the "T's" crossed and the "i's" dotted on the bottom line (6 singles, 35 condos, 23 multi-fams) -- SO FAR, we say. In the first quarter of last year (the full quarter) 107 properties did the ol' fliperino. Doesn't look good does it? But wait...

Digging a little deeper finds us a few nuggets of hope; we see (through the fog) 33 properties are Under Agreement and are scheduled to close by 3/31/11. According to these projections, the first quarter of 2011 in Somerville will close out with 98 transactions, about an 8% drop. That is nothing to toot our horns about, but it is, likewise, no reason for Chicken Little to be running about saying the sky is falling. The "goodest news" (as my grandmother used to day when she worked at the First National [remember the FN?...remember the JUMBO for that matter?]) -- the goodest news is in Condo sales, where days on market have fallen from 2010's 123 days to 108 (so far) days in 2011.

No real bad news here. The "baddest" we can find is that agents may well have to ride the Lexus about for another season before trading up to the Beemer.

Belmont (MA) Sales, where do we stand (most of us are sitting right now)

Ok so we are 69 days into the new year, and in Belmont 27 properties have changed hands. 10 Singles, 16 Condos, 1 Multi (no doubt soon to be 2 condos on the flip????).

As this time last year the local Registry of Deeds bagged fees on 28 transactions, so we are ONE behind last year, but it is the mix that tells the story:

10 Singles this year,...15 last year
16 Condos this year,....10 last year
(multis were 1 versus 3, but who's watching)

Condo sales are rockin'; aided by those big ol' luxury haciendas near the old Hospital...up about 100 grand over last year.

Singles have, however gone through the roof (so to speak) 2010's first 69 days saw an average sale price of $722...this year they whacked the checkbooks for 1.1 MILLION. A bit skewered by TWO sales that logged in at 2.4 and 2.8 million. Without those two "big dogs", we'd be sitting not nearly so pretty counting treats that averaged about one thousand bills over 2010's level.

So that's where we stand, (or sit, or crawl) as we try to get 2011 off to a running start.

Cond-OH!!!-nos in Belmont Sales up in 2011 so far...

Surprise, surprise... Belmont, the town that boasts itself as "THE TOWN OF HOMES", saw some "non-home action"! While the single home situation languishes in what folks say is the snow storm malaise (4 sales for January and February -- the worst ever), condominium sales in Belmont had their best year EVER in transactions as well as average price (aided by 2 big gun "Mitt Romney type" townhomes in the Woodlands)!

15 Condos had the ol' master deed docs and 6D's done over for new owners in January and February of 2011. That "one-ups" the previous best (2006) by ONE. Average price? 537k; taking out 2007's previously "Ruthian" tab of 512k. It took agents 108 days to get the job done; you have to go back to 2006 to find "better days" (2006 did it in an average of 97 days).

We can speculate on what this means for "The Town of Homes"; have we priced ourselves out of the market? or is Belmont going through the inevitable "Cambridgeification?...or perhaps is it what I call the "Condo-many-of-them Syndrome"...so many of them for sale.

A quick look at MLS shows us that as of this morning (3/3/11) there are 27 Single family homes for sale in Belmont: average offering price $1,076,000. And Condos?...well surprise, surprise there is a neat bookend of ALSO 27 condos for sale (average offer price $521k). One would think all is parity, but let us dig a tad deeper:

In the last 6 months, 5 single family home listings went EXPIRED -- read that as failed to sell during contract time. 21 condos struck out in that same period of time. It seems there is a "Shadow Market in Condos". Lots of folks want to sell 'em but they know there is no one to buy 'em. It is sort of like all those souls who have just given up on looking for a job and, as such, are NO LONGER counted in unemployment stats.

The crux of the problem may well go back to the craze that took off around 2004 when lots of 2 families were bought up and converted to condos: I call that the era of Con-DUMB-iniums and have written about it in these pages (search under the "Condominium Category" to the right, and you will find it). These condo buyers were newbies in a new strange land -- a "Town of Townhouses" (really flats that echo with he footfalls of the upstairs neighbor), and now they want out -- but they can't get out. And we are not even talking about the "under water owners".

What does this all mean? Who knows (again), but maybe agents should put on their urban thinking caps and start talking about Belmont as a "City of Apartment Dwellers" instead of a Town of Homes. It may well add up to a few more paychecks

Watertown Home Sales for 2011 so far so good...

Yesterday, we looked at Belmont and saw that the first 2 months of the year saw a mere 4 new homeowners hanging out the Welcome signs. It has been speculated that the poor showing is related to the storms that have tortured the minds and frozen the pocketbooks of buyers. Today however, we look at Watertown and see a different story.

For the first 2 months of 2011, Watertown has 8 closings; sure that is down from the 10 consummated deals in 2010 but right in line with recent history -- stormy weather notwithstanding. Going back to 2005, we see first two month sales being at a low of 6 and a high of 12. Average days on market, by the way were a stealthy 69. Average price?... they were skewered to the high side by the very unusual home on Garfield that sold for $1,250,000 (a palace for sure -- you can buy 3 homes in Watertown for that). Be that as it may, the so called Belmont SNOW DAZE, does not appear to have been seen in Watertown...who knows maybe it is the weather...after all Watertown IS south of Belmont, right?

Belmont (MA) Sales (or no sales) review YTD 2011

Yeah, we got one more day to go, and I'll be waiting with baited (or holding until I turn blue) breath to see the numbers from the last 6 hours of February 2011 Deed recordings, but as of now, the numbers are in and they are, uhhh, well little numbers:

In Belmont, 4 homes were sold in the first 2 months of 2011. The good news here is that you can cut off your thumb and still use your left hand for the arithmetic (not good news). Days on market? It took agents 107 days to get the job done (about a week longer than it took them to do it in 2010 [101]).

The four homes sold went for an average of (let's see, add the pinky to the ring finger, the pointer and the no-no middle digit, divide by the life line and you get...) $724,000. That is a drop of 50 Grand from the sales in the same period as last year (where, by the way, 11 homes had the locks changed).

So let us see: it took longer to sell...they did not sell as many...they dumped 'em for a 6.5% drop below 2010's sales.

A lot of agents are talking about the snow: is it true or is it snow job aimed at blinding all of us to the real storm on the horizon? I went back 15 years and looked at sales for the same period. We've had some pretty nice winters in the last 15 years -- we've had some pretty crappy ones too. In the same two month period, 2009 comes in at 9 sales. Other than that, going back to 1996, sales for the 2 month period have been between a low of ten (in 2001), and a high of 24 (1999). Three times, sales hit 17; four times they came in at 14; twice at 16; twice at 18. FOUR SALES IN THE PERIOD IS DISMAL, plain and simple.

It's the weather we are being told. No one wants to buy; no one wants to sell; there's ice on the roads. Never mind that folks are more petrified for their livelihoods -- that the slippery roads are no match for New Englanders, but the slippery economic road we all may be taking may well be a journey too daunting. Never mind... we have our cheerful eternal optimist agent telling us all is well.

" 's no tellin' (get it? snow...'s no) telling what will happen next, but one thing is for certain -- we all need to get out the shovels. One way or the other we will be shovelling -- either snow or optimistic B.S., who's to say?

Ghost Writing on the Wall

She comes to me and says, "I am interested in a home that is haunted."

I mishear -- I think she says something about hunting as in a hunting lodge.

Oh, heavens no,no,no she disputes, "NO I said haunted as in ghosts."

Now folks, I do not believe in ghosts. I also do NOT believe in Democrats in the White House, but they ARE there for the moment, so maybe just maybe there are ghosts.

"Sadly," I say, "when I search for ghosts, it does not come up on MLS."

"Oh, dearie", she laughs, "of course they won't come up. They are ghosts, they hide. We won't know until we get into the home. I'll feel them."

"Why," I foolishly ask (never ask a question unless you already know they answer!), "why do you needs ghosts?"

"Well, I am single, "she says, "and I am afraid to be alone at night. The ghosts will keep me company." Crissakes, I think to myself: I am in Great Expectations showing property to Miss Haversham...where's Estella when you need her (she was the Hot One!)...just my luck.

We head to one wreck in Billerica. What luck! She hears sound from above -- an "otherworldly presence coming down." Turns out it was squirrels in the attic.

We go to a dump in Burlington: sadly she prefers her ghosts to be Kosher -- I AM not MAKING THIS UP! (do ghosts eat?).

At the third home she looks at me and says, "I should have known you'd bring me to a place like this. Looks like something out of the Vampire Diaries! I knew it would come to this."

"Say wha'?", I stammer.

"Well look at you," she posits, "those sunk in cheeks, you are rail thin and youthful yet have the wear of the ages in your face, those eyes; big round, dark that seem to want to fly out of your head..." [note to myself -- oh brother, get me "outta" here!] "...Yes, you have the look of a benevolent vampire about you. NO no no...I want ghosts, not vampires to share my life."

Well folks, no sale, but I have to look at the bright side. I have a first time buyer who's not scared! I sent her to Bank of America for her preapproval -- if that don't scare her, nothing will!

Un-Staging

Everybody knows about staging. Okay, so maybe a few of you good folks do not, so by way of quick explanation, "Staging" is a concept wherein a seller prepares the home for sale by doing cockamamie things that the "home stagers" tell you will sell your home FASTFASTFAST.

Now, folks, you and I know that so nobody is fooled by some bric-a-brac bought at the local Homegoods store, or candles burning in the alcove. We ALL know that in order to sell a home FASTFASTFAST, you have to price it RIGHTRIGHTRIGHT.

I have never been one for staging. It all looks so phony to me. I walk into a "staged" home and I think of Ikea; I smell the scented candles and I want to sneeze at best (at worst, I want to look behind the fridge for the mildew).

No folks, I do not like staging, but that does not mean I am in favor of UN-STAGING...

UN-Staging is a concept I developed. I tell my clients that we must make sure not to unstage and they ask, "What, perchance is that?"

Un-staging is what I call the act of NOT doing those things that will turn off a buyer or, at best, mitigate against a favorable offer. Herewith is a list of UN-Staging items -- things we should not do:

Do not leave the foreclosure notice on the dining room table -- No one is going to up their offer for your home if they know you are in hock up to your hams. Likewise the overdue bills.

Do not show off your pets -- Fido suffers from "bad breath in dog's mouth", sorry to tell you that (you smell just like him after all these years of letting him sit in your lap). No one thinks your dog is cute. As soon as I see a free range dog, I begin to wonder where is the wee-wee stain from those paper training days.

Cats -- forget it, lock 'em up. Every five minutes they are hurling a hair ball; the litter box stinks and the food on the floor is gross.

Hubby -- if the man of the house uses male enhancement, for goodness sakes, hide the bottle; do not leave it on the dresser. We ALL know what goes on in the bedroom, and we may even go to a movie and watch Sasha Gray do it in mind boggling concatenations of styling, but we DO NOT want to think about YOU doing it. While you are at it,...change the bedsheets.

We have all been told that cooking makes a buyer feel all warm and fuzzy, but DO NOT leave the stew on the stove during a showing. The whole recipe is going to boil down to a tarry mass while you are gone and the house will stink like burnt rubber.

I love fireplaces, but do NOT leave 'em going when I show up with a prospective buyer. The only message that can come of this is, "What kind of a moron lives here who would light a fireplace and leave?"

Do not put the dirty diapers into the diaper bin -- they still stink! You just can't smell it anymore. Put the whole bin outside. While you are at it, take down some of Junior's picture. Too many pictures makes the house look too well lived in.

Don't use the basement for storage! If "ya got" clutter, rent a place. Boxes piled high just look like you are hiding something.

Hide the magazine collections. We are all very impressed knowing you read the New Yorker...this week's issue is just fine, but we DON'T need to see them going back to 1965.

Don't leave 3 weeks of leftovers in the fridge. It smells, and at any rate, the fridge may well be part of the offer. Even if it is not, the buyers are going to open it.

Do you really need to leave that box of Trojan's in the medicine cabinet? Do you really need to leave the "Girls Gone Wild" DVDs on the night rest? If you do, at least leave a copy of Citizen Kane there.

DO NOT vacuum TOMORROW! Do it today.

Do not soak the dishes.

Do NOT smoke...EVER. In fact, stop smoking TEN YEARS before you decide to sell. That is how long the nicotine is going to take to dry out of your wall board.

Don't leave fancy chocolates around...good ol' Hershey works just fine. I mean, it might not have an impact on selling the home but, well, what I mean is...I like Hershey...

A Friend in Need Should NOT Be a Friend (IN)Deed

She comes to me and says, "We were together for 5 years. It seemed only natural."

My friend here (ALL my friends are women), was showing me shapshots of the renovated kitchen in the condo she bought "yonder" about 8 years ago. "I mean," she postured, "We did so much work on the place, together, and he seemed to be the perfect guy!"

Now, folks, those of you who know me, can well attest that I work magic on women -- I make 'em disappear! I bring this up to point out that IF I knew what was the perfect man, I would have fashioned myself to be one long ago....So I asked her, "Perfect? How so."

"Well, single, never married, no kids, fortyish, living with his mother..." I lose it there...Any woman who thinks a forty-year-old living with is mother is perfect, well...'nuf said on that!

"So," she continues, "it was only natural. It seemed so normal to do it....And then I find out -- he's been in so many affairs that he should be a caterer! And he comes to me and tells me he's got some girl pregnant and, get this...he wonders if maybe it might be best if WE raise the child as OUR own!" And off she goes to Sobbingland.

"Well throw Old Lochinvar out, for crissake," I say.

"But I can't."

"Listen, honey," I move in for the heart-to-heart, "this is no time to play the conscience, the guy's a bum with a wet wick..."

"No it is not that," she cries, "we were an 'US'; a together, a 'WE'...so last year, I put his name on the deed. I can't throw him out; he owns the place too!" (And now even I'M crying!) "Yes, last year, while he was shakin' and bakin' in Miss GirlScoutCookie's oven, I was off at the lawyer changing the ownership of this place from a 'ME' to a 'WE'. On our 'quote' anniversary, 'unquote', I showed it to him. So Ya see, I can't throw him out, no more than he can throw me out! And he can bring his damn cupcake in with him, I suppose and we can all do a 3-some, or maybe THEY do a 2-some while I burp the baby." And inconsolable tears aplenty pour forth.

Readers, when words fail me (and they DO NOT FAIL very often), I think of cleavage, and here, words failed me... For a few short moments, I thought about how my friend would look in a shred of lingerie from the Frederick's of Hollywood collection (this situation was WELL beyond Victoria's Secret stuttering!).

"Uhhh, yeah," I say, my "unShakesperean moment continuing, "Uhh ya," and I say the only thing I can say, "Call your attorney."

Who knows, maybe it all can be undone. Maybe there is something in deceitful intent...but one thing is for certain -- don't make a friend, indeed, a friend IN DEED.

If it Sounds Too Good to be True, it is Probably a (NEW) Agent Talking

She's showing the listing of mine in Arlington. I'm there to make sure the dog does not bite. She's this cute little kitten of an agent holding out her shiny new business card, and showing me her license (still warm from the presses).

Her customer asks, "Where is the property line", and the sprightly, energetic young lass replies, "Over there...see the fence?" and she prances across the yard all the while talking about the shrubbery and other flotsam of greenery this "yard" will fairly produce under the pressure of a will green thumb.

I, of course, am not thinking green: I am turning red. As her customers plot and plan their futures in a tad of privacy under the canopy of a catalpa tree, I whisk the young agent over to an opposite corner, and as delicately as possible ask her, "Are you friggin' crazy or just stupid?" (OK I did not say "friggin'")

"What?" she asks.

"You," I say, "just told your customer where the property line is? How do you know? How do you know that the fence is not misplaced, or recessed or EVEN meant to be on the property line of THIS property or the neighbor's."

"Well," she says, rather non-plussed, "CAVEAT EMPTOR! -- Buyer beware!" and she jingle jangles off to show them the inside of the home with the new windows and new what nots (note to readers -- is something "NEW" if it is one month old? 1 year old? who is to say what is new?)

Ya see folks, here in my little corner of the world, there is NO SUCH THING AS CAVEAT EMPTOR -- BUYER BEWARE!!!!!!! No such thing, no such thing! We have, instead, 93A -- the Consumer Protection Act (MGL Chapter 93A).

93A protects consumers from, well... being misled and harmed by statements from those who are professionals in their fields. In other words it gives the inexperienced consumer protection from being rough-shod by some hi-falutin' wheeler dealer, right?

Right, but it DOES more: it "imposes responsibility for false statements made in good faith. The broker can obtain no refuge from liability because of the statement being made in good faith on her part" (from Grynowicki v. Silvia, 1994 Mass App 173).

Despite the new agent's best intentions and good faith, she runs afoul of consumer protection laws and risks heavy damages assessed --- and she DOES NOT EVEN KNOW IT!

So what to do? I took her buyers aside, and told them that the fence may or may not be the line. I told them we do not have a survey, and the owners of the home do not have a survey. The only way to be sure is with a survey. In other words I saved her (nicely sculpted at SuperFitness) BUTT!

So remember, buyers do not have to "beware" -- they do not even have to be AWARE! They just have to mention 93A!.

An MVP award in Arlington (MA) 2010 Condo Review

A few days ago, we happily reported the triple crown winner for 2010 was Arlington (single family sales). Single family's battery-mate, the condo, went to bat also and put up numbers worthy of Willie Mays or Mickey Mantle (pre-steroid heros).

In 2010, 201 condo docs changed hands; eleven fewer than the number that got got snatched up in 2009. BUT -- the average price long balled up to $396,242 from $350,223 (13%). Days on market was clocked on the speed gun at 59.46 (according1g to MLS), and was was nearly 11 days faster than 2009! And in the all important slugging-percentage-like area of price per square foot, 2010 knocked it out at $285 per, versus 2009's $279.

If there is one weak hole (and there ever is: even Ted Williams had a weak hole -- he batted [his own assessment] a paltry .240 when going after the low inside pitches), that weak hole would be expired listing. In 2009, 57 listings failed to sell. In 2010, 114 owners were "left on base".

As the season swings into high gear we are left to wonder: will they improve in their offensive categories and drive in those 114 owners, or will the season swing somewhere else? I thin the former.

Condo Sales hit a Brick "Wal(tham)" (MA)

the 205 condos sales in 2010 represent a 23% drop in numbers of sales versus 2009. Not good for agents even if one considers the average price rose from the width of a joist from about $312,000 in 2009 to $318,000. Agents may well point out that they were on the beam here with average days on market dropping to 87 from 2009's 90 (big deal!).

Things are not as bright as agents may make it out to be...the average sales price rise is not due to demand, folks, but to the size of the condos. In 2009, comndos sold for an average of $257 a square foot. In 2010, the averge Price per square foot dropped to $243. Added to that, there were 108 owners lweft in the dark when their condos did not sell and went expired in 2010 (a mere 68 expired in 2009).

Which just does to show that maybe bright eyed agents, like the "expired" owners are also in the dark...Better cut a window in that wall and take a look around.