What to do with the Swamp...

...Do you have that lot in the swamp, that piece on the rocky slope that cannot be attained for six months during the ice season, that Condo converted from a 2-Family? Well, there is something you can do! We'll get to that in a moment, but first we must introduce our inspiration.

These folks at this link are marketing a fun and educational (don't you hate that phrase? I think they use it for Chia Pets!) way to own Real Estate. You can buy a postage stamp size plot of land, have the deed, title, porperty tax liens and the whole 9 yards in any and every state. Be a Donald Trump! So the web site screams. Loads of fun for the kiddies. I can just picture the young lads and lassies throwing out their XBoxes for the chance to stare at a property deed all day. Wow! This is more fun than having a star named after you! (Talk about money for nothing!) Oh yes, my brother paid to have a star named after me. Never could find its twinkles in the heavens...must have gotton sucked into the same black hole that took my "Bro's" cash. But back to real estate.

So if you do have that swamp to sell, that rock, that desert, New Orleans, whatever, subdvide into postage stamps and market it as an educational experience.

The kids'll hate you for being a nerd, but the lawyers will love you for life.

It's the holidays

"Hey cut me some slack. It's the holidays."

I heard that little plea for "mercy and charity" in South Boston yesterday. A unique choice of wording, but then, it was in front of the Boston Beer Works emporium, not exactly the place one goes to hear performances of Robert Frost -- that is Robert Frost, the poet, not to be confused with the more famous near name sharer who put on a hat and "came to life one day".

The two gentlemen were debating a certain space on the road. One thought it fit his car rather well, the other thought his lawn chair -- at that moment in the spot -- looked just fine and dandy there, thank you, and wanted to keep it there, at least until the "Mrs." returned from the local Stop and Shop with the last minute goodies.

Readers, I am sure you get the drift -- they were fighting over a parking space.

Mind you, these pugilists fighting over 8 feet of tarmac were in my way; just in front of me was the chair, blocking my access to the thoroughfare was the Buick. My geographic expert readers will be able to plot with all the precision of a Garmon that I was, in fact, parked behind them and trying to get out.

"Fellas," I exhaled throught the window, "you think..."

"Hey, cut me some slack, it's the holidays". was the return. I was humbled and cut off.

So much for being nice. Here we provide a transcipt of the further dialog for the readers' edification in the interests of brevity.

Al: "You! Yeah you, you c--k sucking mo--er f--king sons of Bi--ches. Move your m----- f------ sh-t out of my way or I'll get out of this f------ car and kick your f------ Irish asses back to Cork!

Man1 "Oh. sorry, did you want to get out?"

Al. "What the f--- do you think, you f------ ass li--ker?

Man2 "Oh hold it, let me move the car back. I need your spot, anyway, thanks.

And so it all goes, peace for the holidays.

And a great lesson. One really needs to speak the language when traveling in foreign climes, especially if the clime is "Southie".

To Sell or Not to Sell...that is the Question

I sent this to a prospect wondering whether they should sell or rent their home:

Some points to ponder on the idea of renting out your property. I hope there is some value here for you. I do have other resources.

How will your choice will affect your cash position?

How willing and able you are to manage a rental property?

Are you buying another home? If so, you may need the proceeds from the sale of your present home to fund the purchase of your new one. If you anticipate that the sale might result in a loss, consider whether it would be better to rent out your present home, at least until the real estate market turns around. You may need to accept the loss to currently realize the cash that a sale now would bring. If the sale results in a capital gain, consider whether you will be able to exclude that gain from federal income taxation. (If you meet all of the requirements, you may exclude up to $250,000; up to $500,000 if you're married and file a joint return.)

If you are not able to exclude all or part of the capital gain, you may need to reserve a portion of the proceeds from the sale to cover the taxes due. Or you may need to defer the sale and rent out your home in the interim.

If you decide to rent out your present home, will your rental income cover the ongoing expenses associated with the property? Will it cover mortgage payments, property taxes, and insurance? If not, determine whether you can afford to cover the difference on an ongoing basis. Will the tenants be responsible for all utilities, or will you have to cover some of these expenses? Consider what your anticipated annual maintenance expenses on the property might be. Most importantly, if the property were vacant even for a brief period, think about whether you could cover these expenses without a steady stream of rental income.

Rental income, realistically is for 10 months a year, not 12. Expenses are 12 months. There will be instances when a tenant stays for a long duration, but when they move out, you will generally be faced with a long period of rehabilitation to bring the property back up to pristine condition.

If you decide to rent out your present home, you'll be a landlord. You'll have to decide whether to manage the property yourself or hire a local property management service. The decision may hinge on whether you are moving a few miles away or a few states away. Familiarize yourself with the various laws that govern landlord/tenant relations. You'll have to meet health and safety code requirements and perform maintenance and repairs on the property yourself, or hire others for these tasks.

Renting out your home can also have tax implications. For instance, if you rent your home temporarily, you may still qualify for the capital gain exclusion when you later sell your home, but that's not the case if your property is considered permanent rental property. Assuming you rent your home on a temporary basis for more than 15 days during the tax year, you'll have to declare the rent you collect as income. However, you can offset rental income with allowable interest and property tax deductions. To the extent that the rental income exceeds these otherwise allowable deductions, you can also claim rental deductions for maintenance, insurance, and depreciation. These expenses, though, are limited to the amount of rental income. Depreciation deductions, it should be noted, may impact the amount of capital gain that you can exclude from federal income taxation when you sell the property.

If you permanently convert your home to rental property, the tax treatment may be different. Before you make the decision to rent out your home, you may want to consult an accountant or other tax professional. If you have friends or colleagues who have rented out their homes, you might also ask them about their experiences as landlords.

Pest Control

This from buyer who worked with the "Very Busy Broker".

"She got us through the sale, and we moved in. Well, actually, according to the law of agency, she got her seller through the sale and we just came along for the ride. We liked the home. Saw it listed in the Boston Globe, and called HER. She she got us through the sale.

"It was after we moved in -- long after -- that we began to wonder about ghosts or something. Little things would happen. The paving bricks in the backyard were uprooted one morning. I said, hmmm, but my wife said, 'Animals.' I could not find my garden hose one day, my rake the next. I lost my potted orange tree.

"One month I noticed I had passed due balances on my telephone bill, and electric bill. I could not remember paying my American Express bill, come to think of it, and when I checked, it was NOT paid.

"I needed air in my rear tire one day. A few weeks later, I needed it in again.

"One day the police showed up at my home while no one was there. They were milling about when I came home. It seems there was a call about trouble at my home, phoned in by my neighbor.

"'Trouble?' I asked, 'You don't seem to be too alarmed.'

"'No, replied the officer, 'We did not think there was a problem, but we had to come out. After all, you live next to her, and he pointed to my neighbor's home.

"The officer continued: 'She calls us about twice a month. Never a real problem. Just annoying to us and, now you. Get used to it. She's the reason they invented fences. She and her kids. The kids will take your things if you leave them out. Never can catch 'em doing it. They are just those kids of people. Pests. Like I said, get used to it."

Dear readers, our buyer is now thinking of putting his home on the market, but assumes he will not have much luck in selling. Everybody, except himself seems to know about the crackpot neighbor.

If there is a lesson here, it may be that one should have a BUYER REP. A good buyer rep -- like me -- will find out by what ever manner if your prospective neighbor is Albert Schweitzer ot Albert DeSalvo.

At any rate, do not go it alone. This is one kind of pest that cannot be sprayed away.

Time is Money

It seems to me that, in our little corner of the world, we take a lot of time telling folks what we do for a living. Now, mind you, I've not made a study of it, but in my line of work, knowing what someone does for his supper is important (that whole financing thing) so we are forever asking.

Now in those climes more simple, perhaps say Kansas, when one asks about the "line of businss" one is apt to hear, "Carpenter", "Salesman", or some such singular appellation.

Here in our out of the way corner of America, when asked about the "job", one hears something more like, "I work for a small start-up on the 128 belt that puts together summation reports on internet traffic and then attempts to dialog with those report subjects to expand the marketing base..." and so on. Now, readers, the just quoted dribble is easily summed up like our Kansas cousins in one word: "telemarketer". So it is with most of our jobs titles -- we take too much time to tell folks what we do.

One is a "Physical Organizational Rectifier", and that is a file clerk.
One is a "Room Parent Advisor", and that is a class mother.
One is a "Web Publisher of an self-indulgent web site like Bostonmamas.com (it is not worthy of a link)", and that is an unemployed housewife.

Our problem is we are ashamed of what we do. We produce nothing, so we call things that are as thin as air, "Products" (The Bostonmamas product is INFORMATION about overpriced junk that most new parents should not buy but will BUY because they are too embarrassed to admit they have naught pot in which to "___". Forget about the downpayment -- buy the stupid gunny sack for 85 "samolions" that holds 25 diapers even though a Shaw's bag will do the trick just as well).

Perhaps we feel that if we can keep a listener on the edge of his seat while we expound on the logistics of our paychecks, it will, in time, come to mean something to us.

But in that meantime, I must say, "I am a Salesman". I am not ashamed of it; neither do I expect to win the Nobel prize because of it. It is what I do -- short, sweet and one word. I sell homes on behalf of folks who want to sell their homes.

And...I can sell yours in an instant.

Location, Location, Location

Up top there is the hackneyed expression, dare we say Mantra of real estate folk. I've never used it myself, for it smacks of late night Real Estate infomercials, but here below is a tale of a small broker who learned the lesson of "location,location,location" the hard way.

The small broker operates out of her house, does, maybe one buyer rep transaction a year, mostly cajoled out of her bridge club or soccer mom connections. A nice little business.

In this particular case, our broker harrangued a friend for weeks about listing a house. The friend had, in passing, mentioned that they were going to sell, and our little broker sprung into action.

Bought a listing post, had a sign printed up, figured out how to do the boston.com thing.

The friend had intended to go to a big office to list her home, but, well, our little broker offered a deep discount on the commission, and she got the listing.

Gave her husband the signage and told him to get a rubber hammer and bang that sign into the front yard of the house.

And our little broker is ready! The phone rings within an hour and our little broker is set with her appointment book. She takes the call:

"How may I help you?" she asks.

"You're the one who needs help," a disturbed voice wreaks, "What the hell is that crap doing in my yard?"

"Pardon?" our now timid little broker replies.

"The 'For Sale' sign, you dope! What the hell is that doing in front of my house. I'm not selling my home. Your sign is up in front of the wrong house."

Now our little broker is a bit flustered, but the selling instinct kicks in -- never let a prospect go before YOU go for the sell. "Well, since it is up," she asks, "are you interested in talking about selling? I am sure the home is lovely and will..."

At which point she is met with a tirade of words not meant for "the King's English."

She is told her sign was, of late, posted on Rolin Place. It may be found in the trash of the subject house on Rolin Place. And, of course, her friend's home is on Rolin Street. Location, Location, Location.

One wonders what the husband had for breakfast that morning, or for that matter, what he had for dinner that night.