Belmont Balancing Act

Ok, so there may be one or two souls out there putting the ol' schnozzola to the grindstone and getting one last close into the books, but as Bob Dylan sings, "It ain't me, babe..."; I am off the clock today: getting ready for whatever extravaganzas are coming tonight.

With that cut into stone, I may relate that Belmont was nicely balanced when comparing sales of singles in 2010 to 2009. With the final caveat of last hour closings (C'mon no one's workin' today!), we can say that 144 singles changed hands in 2010. That is 3 less than 2009 (147) and a 2% tip to the "malaise", but wait....the average sale price was just shy of $778,000 according to my stats from MLS, versus 2009's average pluck of $730,000 (up a bit). The scales shift back to the center: a little less in sales, a little more in price (or commission check for the Belmont agents). Even Steven. In fact, those agents grabbed a cut of $112,011,552in sales in 2010. In 2009 those same souls were forced to get by with commissions based on a paltry 107,310,558 -- about 4.7 million dollars less in 2009 versus 2010.

I just peel with excitement at what a breakdown of the condo market might be, but that will have to wait. I am off today. See you all on the other side. May any and all of your disappointments in this dying year of 2010 inspire you all to travel roads with brighter and wider eyes.

My best,
Al.

Value Added Investment Grade? One step at a Time

Agents live for broker tours. For those not of the "cognoscenti", a broker tour is like an Open House, except it is an Open House for the "elect" -- read that for only brokers. It is a chance for a listing agent to show a property to other agents in the hope they may well have a client who would like the home. Agents going on tour do not necessarily like the Broker Tours for this -- they like it for the free food that is usually spread out by the Listing Agent to entice the traffic. For example, in my corner of the world, "lunch" is served in Belmont, Arlington and Cambridge on Tuesdays, Wednesday it is Newton, and Friday it is Watertown and Waltham (yum yum). Other towns in my area have their days...check an agent's GPS history and you can figure that out for Medford, Lexington, Wellesley, Brookline and so on.

The other day, I go to this broker tour. I am cheerfully met at the door by a sprightly young agent (I know she is young...the low cut sweater [a Cashmere Over Sized Cowl Tunic from Michael Star; $326] that she wears is slightly amiss at the left shoulder exposing not just a maroon bra strap [Victoria's Secret], but also the wing of an angel tattoo pricked into the skin, I surmise, after a long night with some Brown University frat boy(s?) -- I recognize the work...Ronnie's Tattoo, Providence, RI; $89.99).

"Welcome," she says, and, "Oh, could you please remove your shoes?"

Now readers, at my stage in life and in this place and time, I should be excited when a woman asks me to remove ANY article of my clothing, in this case, if for nothing else, for the one second of fantasy that this person has a foot fetish. Alas, sadly, she spoke too fast and cut all "fantasm" to the quick.

"It is the rugs," she imparts, "they are collector quality."

For the first time, I looked below the agent's torso, passed the Eileen Fisher Stretch Ponte Pencil Skirt (Sak's Fifth Avenue, $158), down the finely waxed calves (Li Kim Thuy's Nail and Wax Shop [bikini lines a specialty], Dorchester, perhaps?) and down to the bare feet ("Shoeless" Joe Jackson; Chicago White Sox, 1919). Off to the right was an imitation brass scupper (Home and Hearth, $68), and neatly resting in it were the agent's shoes; black high heeled "court pumps" from Redoute Creations, Paris (40 Euros or 60 bucks at current exchange rates).

"You see," she continued, "the rugs are all quite pricey. This one is an Isfahan and over there in the sitting room is a Bakhshaish. This runner is a Hussainaba. They are investments!"

Now folks, I really do not want to talk rugs here, but rugs as an investment?...I mean if you want people to just stamp and stomp all over your investments, that is O.K, but why not just give your money to Wall Street? That's what they down there everyday.

"Uh, huh," I say as I remove my shoes (PayLess $14.99 Buy-One-Get-One-Free [BOGO]), thanking God for the wisdom of that trip to Marshall's the day before (New black socks, slightly irregular, 6 pair; $3.99). As I am doing this, I am searching about for the route to the kitchen and the free lunch platter laid out. After all, all I want, all ALL agents want is a sandwich and maybe a Coke to go (free at Broker Tours; $1.59 at 7-11; remember to cash in the can and you come out a nickel to the good!).

"And," she points out, "all the collectibles on the walls!", and she directs my attention to the shelves and cut outs and nooks and crannies filled with bric-a-bracs, porcelains and potteries of all manner of invention.

"Listen," I say, still looking beyond her slender posterior for the platter (do I smell roast beef!?), "I don't know, kiddo...you are going to bring a lot of people into this house and with all these nicknacks about, well...I'd be afraid that some of them are going to get 'paddy-whacked'...and you'll be the one that will have to, shall we say, 'give the dog the bone' if you get my drift". She didn't, apparently she is too young for the "This-Old-Man-He-Plays-One" joke motif.

"Come again?" she says, and I reply something to the effect that at my age, I would need a good dose of Viagra to do that (she didn't get that joke either).

"I don't understand," she says.

I tell her, "What I mean is...it's the stuff...no one -- not even you!!! -- will be looking at the house. It is ALL stuff. First you ask folks to take off their shoes...what if they have a hole in their sock?" (Thank God [again] I went to Marshalls!), "then they walk into this museum. Let me tell ya, honey, people want to live in a house, not a museum. You know who lives in a museum?...King Tut lives in a museum, and for him that's an upgrade, 'cause before that he was living in a freaking hole in the desert for 3 thousand years!. Folks want to see if their entertainment center from Jordan's Furniture will fit here. They want to see the glow of the hardwood floors; they don't want to tip-toe around some magic carpet smuggled out of Pakistan. For your sake and for the sake of your client, you need to get this place cleaned up. You're not selling admission tickets here...you are selling a house."

She begins a retort of some sort, but I am gone; I see the snake route to the kitchen and the spread; catered by Rebecca's!!! ooooh!, Turkey, Tuna, Veggie, and ROAST BEEF on SOUR DOUGH ROLLS ($7.99 each), a bag of Cape Cod Chips ($1.19)...and a Diet Coke.........TO GO.

Terminal-ology

A description from one of my sold listings follows:

This convenient 2 family in the desirable West End features newer vinyl siding, new replacement windows, new heating and hot water systems, updated electric, as well as a pristine and just renovated second floor unit along with other bonuses. Enjoy great rent potential in a home that is close to public transportation and area amenities.

Ya see what we got there? Keep it in mind as we digress...

Back in the day when I was a lad, a friend came to me and asked wouldst I proffer to him my time and disposition to make success of a double date. His plan was to go bowling; he with his "amour" on their third foray and I, well, she has a cousin, a cousin who was visiting, I may have surmised from the "farm". Naturally, I asked of the pertinent qualities and he responded with, "She's great...she's a really nice person, fun to be around...she's got a great personality."

I passed on the blind date. I figured that if the best asset to be offered was the fun-to-be-around, great personality, then I might as well get it on with Ronald McDonald because at least he wears a balloon nose over his ugly face.

I bring this up because, in fact, many years later I saw that blind date. She was with my friend. My friend catches me in a Bruegger's and calls me over to meet his wife, a local TV personality, and the conversation went like this:

"XXXX, this is my friend, Al....Al, this is my wife, XXXX (although, if you watch the weather, I think you know that."
"Pleased," I say.
"You know, honey," my friend says, "This is the guy I wanted to set you up with when you first moved here." Hollow laughs all around.
"Well, I am glad he said 'No' ", she said and off they went.

A few days later I tagged him by phone:

"Yeah, so what was that," I inject, "You dumped the girlfriend and take up with the cousin?"
"Could have been yours, pal, could have been yours."
"Except you told me she was a dog...you told me she had a uhhh 'great personality'..."
"And she does..."
"But," I say, "With all due respect, why did you try to sell me on that bill of goods. I was twenty. You're selling me Emily Dickinson when I wanted to buy Sharon Stone, for crissakes."
"Well...you were a sensitive guy. I gave you sensitive..."

So what the hell is the point of this story? The point of this story is the wording. A "sell" word can well be terminal to a sale if not properly placed. Folks are wary of words; they can mean many things, and in most cases, they mean to dislodge and up end belief.

So it is with Real Estate descriptions and the words we use. I try not to use the buzz words -- buzz words create obfuscation. So herewith are some buzz words and what I feel they mean to a reader:

Cozy -- small

Close to Shops -- every rummy in town will piss on your privet hedges as he walks by on his way to the "Packy".

Unique -- stupid

Family room -- basement

Wet bar -- basement has a sink

Au pair -- basement has a bed where the owner's son used to hump his girlfriend

County like -- you will be mowing the lawn every day

Won't last -- it will be going to foreclosure soon

Meticulously maintained -- has not had a thing done to it since Eisenhower was in office

Quiet Street -- the town does not maintain it

Lots of storage -- wet basement

Open architecture -- you know when anyone goes into the can

Half bath -- they turned a closet into a "Throne Room"

Easy access -- it is on a main drag

Expandable -- you can finish the attic once you get the squirrels out of it

Tudor -- rooms in the attic

Old charmer -- Ugly

Historic -- previous owner was a sex offender

Great school -- high taxes

Desirable -- high taxes

Small town feel -- high taxes

Period detail -- rotten moulding

Sweat Equity -- you will never get it done; hire a contractor

MICRO economics in Belmont

It has been a long and dispiriting spring followed by a dismal summer that saw long time stores shutter up all around my little corner of the world. The Auto Parts guy in Cushing Square is in the process of pulling his spark plugs -- the EVERYTHING MUST GO sign screams across Common Street. No more can a soul buy fudge down Trapelo Road, and the print shop one passes on the way has run out of ink -- the building is now forlorn and for sale. An electrician has moved into the storefront that was once a takeout chicken joint: "I don't need a store front," he told me, "but the price was right." The old bookstore in the center of town

Of all the shuttered businesses about, the one that is most surprising is my maid: she stopped coming in June. For the better part of ten years, she had been mopping and wiping the the ne'er-do-well issue of my life, finding shoes I have left scattered about, washing dishes, putting the glow on my hardwoods, vacuuming out of the rug the evidence of my retreating hairline, and in general working her skill on those things and utilities about which modesty forbids description.

I did some "jungle drum" research into the woebegone circumstances...it appears she was illegal, I have been told. She was a regular traveller to and back from Brazil. As far As I can guess, she did the trip one too many times. I have been visited by at least seven "new" Brazilians, all claiming to be the extension of my maid's business. I have chosen none of them.

If the dismal summer taught me anything, it was a real lesson in MACROeconomics by way of the MICRO. You see, I have been sweeping the floors myself, mopping, putting away my shoes, and what nots, and doing exactly all the things I should have been doing in the first place. My home is tidy, fit for me, if not for a king, AND I am saving 63 smackers a week -- that's 63 bucks staying inside the US economy, yup 63 bucks a week that I will use here -- maybe an extra Trombone lesson for the kid, or maybe, after a year, well let us see -- that is almost $3,300 dollars! That is the down payment on that new Chevy Cruze that is going to be the hot car of 2011!

They say that illegals are doing jobs WE do not want to do. I say, they are doing jobs that need NOT be done. We are overly conspicuous in our consumption. We do not need some of the services we buy. As a cleaner, I am doing just fine, thank you...a few minutes a day here and there and I am at one with my home. I have reconnected with the nooks and crannies (and found things I should have discarded years ago not to mention things I should have held closer to my thoughts, but instead dumped behind the file cabinets). And, of course, there is the exercise; I am feeling fit and trim as I putter about the halls of the castle, deep-kneeing my way into the closets and squatting to swipe the dust from under the futon.

And I have begun to think -- what if we all cleaned our own homes, mowed our lawn lawns, did our own nails? In my corner of the world, the landscaper's truck and trailer is longer than the street frontage of many homes...do we really need their services? Are we so busy at the gym that we cannot find 15 minutes and get our exercise pushing the rotaries across the grass?

For me, I see a win win...my apparently illegal maid has left the country, a situation that most folks feel needs to be replicated 10 million more times...and I have a new stash of cash in my pocket. What to do with it?...a great economic question, stay tuned.

News Events of the World -- Belmont (MA) Style

Cannot say too much about this other than it gives new meanig to Catfighting.

Belmont Citizen-Herald
Posted Apr 14, 2010 @ 04:32 PM
Belmont, Mass. — Police responded to a Creeley Road residence last week for a dispute between roommates that allegedly led one roommate to throw a cat at the other, according to a police report.

Officers responded to the scene just before 11 a.m. on April 8, where a male resident told police an argument erupted between him and his roommate, who claimed that the man had left the lid off a trash can, which attracted a skunk that wound up spraying the man’s cat.

The man said that during the argument, the roommate threw the cat at him.

Officers interviewed the roommate, who confirmed the two had argued but said he did not throw the cat.

Both men declined assistance in obtaining a restraining order against the other.

No charges were filed against either of the residents.

Copyright 2010 Belmont Citizen-Herald. Some rights reserved

Dr Leaky Then Zoo

That ditty up top has nothing to do with paleontology (Dr. Leaky and family in Africa -- remember from High School...or National Geographic?) It happens to be an anagram up top.

You see, folks, I had the pleasure of trying to do business with another broker this week. A broker who had more titles after her name than the Queen of England. Herewith are the business card busting "designations":

XXXXX XXXXXXXXX

ABR, ASR, CBR, CRB, CRS, GRI, ITI, PMN, RECS, SRES

Broker/Owner, Justice of the Peace, ABA Certified Paralegal

Now I have some "desigs" myself but they mean nothing to my clients and I don't put 'em on my cards. However in this case there may have had a higher purpose: all those letters -- a litany of triandic digits got me thinking, and the above anagram popped into mind.

It really works. Perhaps you know her (let me know if you want the solution). Perhaps not (still want the solution?). Perhaps you suddenly have a hankering for studying English or doing a puzzle in the Herald. Or maybe you'll pull out the old High School book and re-read up on Paranthropus Man.....

What's in a Name?

This morning I was int he process of tuning out a commercial on the radio when the announcer go a few words through my haze. The commercial was for ome sort of medical facility. The announcer, in touting the advantages of the particular sawmill, noted a good doctor by the name of YAO.

That got me going...

Yao, you see is the sound I make when I get a shot; it is the sound I make when I stub my toe. It is the elocution evacuated when I sliced my finger with the butcher knife...It is NOT the sound I want to hear when my doctor hands me his business card (you may well hear it when I get the bill!).

I supposed that rose-by-any-other-name gig kicks in here, but still...my doctor's "handle" being the sound of pain?...I think not.

Now my name as, well, guttural as it is, has an appeal, of sorts in my line of work, and my "StreetSmarts" TR (that's trademark) is an easy evolution. All this got me thinking about the names and slogans of a few of the folks with whom I associate.

My 2 favorites are competitors in the disagreeable area of septic tank cleaning. We all know what septic tanks are -- they are where all that, uhhh, flushing goes, and a cleaner of septic tanks keeps all that stuff running in the right direction (read that as not back up your pipes.

One company bills itself as, "we are number one in the number two business". Yup...right on the side of the trucks. The other is more scatological. That second company touts the benefits as it is by telling us, "a Royal Flush is better than a 'Full House' ". Not a bad poker play on words.

I supposed a doctor with a painful name may be good...certainly I remember it. It's not like my friend, Dr. Bottom --- the proctologist.

Is it a PUN? Belmont (and other thefts)

MY ditty from yesterday's papers (4/2/10), needs a tad of updating. For those who cannot remember yesterday, I will say that Vin Cedrone, whose folks own the chateau at 315 Crafts in Newton got bagged stealing expensive plaques from buildings and monuments. Pulled from sources is the quote below:

"In a statement, District Attorney Gerard T. Leone called the thefts “brazen,’’ saying Cedrone targeted public property in the three communities to sell. He estimated the damages to be in the tens of thousands of dollars."

The word "brazen" has taken on a meain inour vernacular of being tought, audacious -- sort of devil-may-care, damn-the-torpedoes sort of feel, yet there is more to the word. Here comes the fun.

The key to all this is the word "BRAZEN". The word stems from the Old English BRAESEN. It means, get this, B R A S S!. Yeah, brass as in metal... expensive metal, as in plaques on buildings! yeah, is it a pun? Is DA Leone exceedingly witty?...or most likely just a limited vocab kind of guy who hit it big today.

Anyway, it's wonderful. I hope the Perp ("brass balls" included) gets to hack his way through some metal bars soon.

The Belmont and Watertown and Newton and...THIEF

This is right outta the local Belmont (MA) "rag". It is too funny not to copy. Check out the "Perp's" Mode-of-Op...

By Dan Atkinson, Jen Thomas, Christian Schiavone and Emily Costello/belmont@cnc.com
Belmont Citizen-Herald
Posted Mar 31, 2010 @ 05:04 PM
Last update Mar 31, 2010 @ 05:27 PM
Newton, Mass. — Newton police have arrested a suspect in connection with last weekend’s theft of a bronze plaque from the Homer Building in Belmont, as well as a similar theft in Newton.

Vincent Cedrone, 52, of 315 Crafts St. in Newton, was charged with two counts of receiving stolen property, according to Newton Police Lt. Bruce Apotheker. He reportedly stole a bronze plaque from the Chestnut Grove condominium complex at 1175 Chestnut St. as well as the plaque in Belmont, Apotheker said.

Belmont police have also charged Cedrone with larceny over $250 and defacing property in connection with the March 21 theft of the Homer Building plaque, which was captured by several security cameras. The plaque is valued at about $1,900.

Cedrone’s arrest isn’t the first time his name has been connected to a missing historic plaque.

Last January, he received a $1,000 reward for returning the Belfry plaque stolen from Lexington’s Battle Green, according to one of the three businessmen who offered the reward.

Several weeks after the plaque went missing in December 2009, a Lexington police officer reportedly spotted Cedrone trying to load it into his car. He allegedly told the officer he found it and wanted to return it.

Now Cedrone is suspected of similar thefts in Belmont, Newton and Watertown, according to police officials in the three towns.

Lt. Richard Santangelo, a spokesman for the Belmont Police Department, said police received information that led them to Cedrone after releasing the security camera videos to news outlets, including one that aired the footage on the evening news.

The footage shows a man pulling into the Town Hall complex in a small white coupe at 4:30 p.m. The man appears to first try to pull off the bronze plaque on the school department building across the driveway, but gives up and moves on to the Homer Building.

“It was definitely the result getting the pictures out there to people,” said Santangelo. “Right after the broadcast we got some information.”

Santangelo declined to say what type of information police received and said he didn’t know whether it came first to police Belmont or Newton. After a joint investigation between police in Newton and Belmont, Newton officers made the arrest, Santangelo said.

So far, the Homer Building plaque has not been recovered and may have already been sold for scrap, according to police.

Santangelo said Cedrone is also a suspect in the theft of four other plaques from the Waverley Square area. One was mounted on a concrete post on the railroad bridge running along Trapelo Road. The other three were smaller plaques set in stone monuments around the triangular grassy space over the Waverley Square Commuter Rail station.

Historical plaques have turned up stolen in Newton and Watertown in recent months. Tablets have been swiped from Newton's Country Day School, Memorial Monument Rock at Newton City Hall and the Johnny Kelley statue.

Watertown had seven plaques stolen — three from Arsenal Park, three from in front of the Commander's Mansion on Talcott Avenue and one from Watertown Square. All appear to have been pried off.

Lt. Michael Lawn of the Watertown Police Department said police believe the thefts in Watertown, Belmont and Newton are related. Though Cedrone has not been charged with any of the Watertown thefts, Lawn said the police are "confident" the crimes were committed by the same person.

Thieves did not get away with another plaque at the George Washington monument in front of the Watertown Free Public Library, though the plaque suffered some damage from what appears to be an attempt at dislodging it.

Police believe the plaques were stolen so the metal could be scrapped.

Newton's Apotheker would not comment if Cedrone is connected to other plaque thefts, referring questions to the Middlesex District Attorney's office. The DA's office has not returned phone calls for comment.

At least a dozen plaques have been reported stolen in the Newton area over the past few weeks.

Despite Cedrone's arrest, John Carroll, one of the Lexington businessmen who gave Cedrone the reward, said he was just happy to have the plaque back.

“When we made the offer, it was no questions asked,” said Carroll, who owns Stone Meadow Golf on Waltham Street. “We were more interested in getting the plaque back and making sure it wasn't sold for scrap. It turned out well in the end.”

Copyright 2010 Belmont Citizen-Herald. Some rights reserved

April Fool's Day

Other than the fact that Rambler (Actually by then called American Motors) introduced the piece of crap "Gremlin" "car", we see nothing very funny happening on this day of fools.

We cannot even find a reason, other than of the Urban variety as why this day is noted as such. Some say it has to do with the changing of the New Year to January (instead of timing it with the beginning of spring -- that was foolish), but that seems not the case as Chaucer in the 1300's talks of Fools Day and the switcheroo to January took form a couple hundred years later.

One thing is certain -- pranks will be played, for humor is the name of the day. Lest, however we forget what humor is, we must be reminded at ALL humor needs a victim. Someone needs to fall, or have his face flattened by a frying pan, or be ridiculed in public. In order for an audience to laugh, some ONE person has to cry. So go out and do one's thing on this day...the village idiot is waiting to be slapped.

(D)arlington, MA

Notwithstanding the caveat that there is ONE MORE DAY left to the quarter, we hazard a trip north from Belmont and take a look at that darling of the Real estate agents, Arlington (get it?...DArlington...ahem...).

Agents bagged pieces of 33 single family payoffs in the first quarter of 2010. This rubs out as a jump over 2009 where 25 homes changed grimy hands, AND an increase over 2008 when 33 singles, shall we say, entered real estate matrimony (get it?...darling, single, matrimony. Hello?!?! I need a laugh here.).

I would not jump to conclusions here about the 8,000 rubdown being given out here. I leave that mental masturbation to the PHD's at Harvard.

Who knows, Arlington seems to be such a sweet little town. Maybe all they need is love.

Ooops...I did it again... (actually they did it)

Can you believe it, "shoppers"? One day left and the first quarter of this new decade is over...

Now, I know there's a bit of time left, but we may well jump the gun and begin to take a look at the slices and dices of how the "recovery" is coming along. Starting with that spendthrift Cambridge wannabe town of Belmont, we see 15 single family deals closed in the quarter...a big jump from the 11 of last year (must be that 8 grand tax gig, eh???). But whoa, what looms on the rear horizon, Kimmosabi? It ain't Uncas or the Last of the Mohicans...it is none other than the first quarter of 2008 -- wherein 29 RE attorney's got paid to write up 29 deeds. Whoa, Silver, we are being told that the LAST 2 years TOGETHER have not gotten up to where they can scratch the butt of 2008. IS that what we are being told??? Yup that is it.

I think this explains the scared stiff smile of the housewife house hucksters -- the ones who do one deal a year. They'll be down to zero at this rate (can you do a half a deal??? why not -- that's a condo, ain't it?).

Keep zooming back, my faithful companions. We will begin our town by town reviews...but WAIT, there's more...

...I will be at the House of Blues, sitting quietly for a change, but a couple of venues have asked me to return to the stand-up mike -- and I shall be doing so shortly. Now ...there's no more (change the channel, please).

Agents are full of S**T Redux, Redux as in again

'nuf said?... read on
By State House News Service
Belmont Citizen-Herald
Posted Mar 25, 2010 @ 01:02 PM
Boston, Mass. — Completed foreclosures in Massachusetts fell 19.6 percent in February, compared to January, but were 10.4 percent higher than in February 2009, according to data released Thursday morning. Also, foreclosure deeds jumped 13.8 percent to 2,058 in the first two months of the year from 1,809 during the same period in 2009, the Warren Group reported. Foreclosures started by lenders in Massachusetts in February were up more than 13 percent over January but down 7.5 percent from a year ago, according to data released Thursday morning. Over the first two months of 2010 foreclosure petitions – the first step in the foreclosure process – are down 6.1 percent from the comparable period in 2009, according to The Warren Group. “In the last six months, an average of about 2,100 foreclosure petitions were filed each month. That’s a pretty high level, but the pace is much lower than it was in the early part of 2008, when lenders were filing an average of about 3,000 petitions to foreclose a month,” Warren Group CEO Timothy M. Warren said in a statement.

Copyright 2010 Belmont Citizen-Herald. Some rights reserved

Liquid Assets in Waltham

Ms. Flanagan, my thoughts are with you today.

For those who do not know Ms. Flanagan, she is the Berkley St homeowner who is, well, not living in her home because the home moved...yes moved...about a foot, so the FOX news folks tell me, OFF its foundation.

Why did it move? Seems, 'though I am no engineer, it "trolleyed" off its cement track because of the recent storms that brought oodles of rain, followed by doodles of more rain a few days later (actually yesterday).

I cannot say how rain can "push a house", but I am reminded of the earthquake term, LIQUIFICATION. This is where the ground, normally harder that a sixty-year-old coot over dosing on Viagra, gets pushed, cajoled and shaken enough so that is gets soft (like the coot after his 2 minutes as Lord Lochinvar, or George Clooney). It may well be akin to when you kick a hard clump of dirt and it breaks up in to a gazillion little pieces. In that state of being, the soil no longer can hold the man-made edifice upon it and things shift, or fall down as the case may be. In Ms. Flanagan's case, water may have softened by the whole thing and, the rest is "moving".

The news reports that the Flanagan home is not in a flood zone (I know the street) and I would agree from my unprofessional view, but I would also conjecture that the forensics of the situation will point to GROUNDWATER issues, and that would not be covered anyway.

At all rates, my heart goes out to them and I wish them well. I would hope there will be no tears shed -- there has been wnought water...

Agents are full of S**T -- Redux

Yesterday (see below) I put out some stats on Orders of Notice in my corner of the world, YTD versus last year for the same period. They painted a grim picture "malgre" the rosy smiles of the "housewife home hucksters" who daily run about hawking homes whilst "habidashing" about the kitchen curtains.

I was asked by many for some support of the numbers as they were from "only a small sample" of towns.

Herewith, I pick Suffolk County -- That is BOSTON, REVERE, CHELSEA, WINTHROP. Here goes...

1/1/10 to 3/18/10 560 Orders of Notice.
1/1/09 to 3/18/09 194 Orders of Notice.

As far as Middlesex South goes...

1/1/10 to 3/18/10 745 Orders of Notice
1/1/09 to 3/18/09 202 Orders of Notice

'nuf said?

Agents are Full of S**T

Here in my corner of the world, the next time your bubbly agent tells you how great things are in the world and how that world will only be greater for you if you buy this home "TODAY!!!!!!", ask that agent of yours about "ORDERS of NOTICE". Now, mind you, they probably do not know what those things are. My advice in that situation is to get another agent, FAST! Just call me, actually.

That is an order of notice over yonder the right there. Not a pretty thing I would hazard (privacy information has been blocked out), AND, it gets uglier as one learns about them.

Herewith is a small primer on what we will now abbreviate as OON:

An OON may be considered an solid indicator of foreclosures coming up. It is a required document filed at the Registry of Deeds that notified folks that their lender is going to foreclose on them. The OON is required because any person in the military can seek relief under the Service members Civil Relief Act (one rightly cannot foreclose on a bloke shooting down some scum bucket who wants to do harm to Americans).

An now, hers are some stats to ponder.

Looking at this year to date (1/1 - 3/18) there have been in "my" areas (Belmont, Arlington, Watertown and Medford) 66 OON's plopped in mailboxes of sinking homeowners; 37 of those are in Medford, by the way.

In the same period last year, there were 14!...Yes only 14 (11 in Medford).

That is a big clunk. When one thinks of all the foreclosures that have been laid to rest, and these numbers coming up that ARE NOT in the stats,...well conjecture is worth a few moments when next we "latte at Starbucks".

What does this mean? Well, we will expand our stat collection and see if the patterns are "All over the board". Then, we will be better able to discern if your happy agent is full of S**T, or completely down and out of the crapper already.

"Ducking" the Weather

There are ducks swimming in my backyard...not in the little pond at the northwest corner, but in the yard where, at about this time every year, I begin the annual toil of planting happy grass and expunging, well, crab grass. Not today.

It appears the water table has risen above the banks of the pond, and the pond has made ownership of a substantial swath of the yard. I noticed a fish in a place that would normally make it a "fish out of water". I had hoped the little adventurer wold submarine itself back to the deeper climes of the pond, but sadly, that did not happen;...an aquatic squirrel tip-toed through the shallows and made a "canape" of the "carp."

Many open houses on this Sunday just gone were "called on account of rain." Brokers, deciding to put valor in the "bottom drawer", felt it best to "close for the day" rather than have to explain to a doubting public that the "wet basement is ONLY during unusual rains" such as these. I kept my open house going: I had not problem facing up to the sceptics about the seepage...no problem because NO ONE came.

The high school is closed today. Flooding. A few other communities are suffering the same fate. Not the flooding but having teenagers with a day off and nothing to do. I suspect the "little darlings" will spend it nursing cheap beer out of paper bags behind the Dunkin Donuts on Trapelo Road, or behind the library if the babbling brook there has not overflowed its banks. The town will fairly glow with beer cans reflecting in headlights by tonight.

I'll be out showing some properties. Let's take advantage of all this. How much off the list price can we get for a sopping basement? Time will tell....

So that's the way things are in my corner of the world in these rain swept times. Time to put on the flippers and check my own basement.

Sellin' the "Crib" for a new career

The caricature to the left is of the Salwens; Mr. and daughter Kevin and Hannah. It appears on page 23 of the March 15, 2010 of the New Yorker. The Salwens for those who have not heard are, now (at least for this week), writers with a successful book, and wanderlusts on a successful book tour bringing in the dough. Their book, The Power of Half details their story and subsequent "journey" spiritual journey, that is (oh brother!), not the book tour pay per speech journery tour that brought them to New York recently from their backwater hovel in Atlanta (actually it was an $800,000 home with an elevator, YES an elevator but why haggle).

Your see, the Selwens have this precocious (some would say obnoxious)daughter (that would be Hannah), now 15 or so, who, in 2006 as the family stopped at a red light, saw two men: a homeless rummy to the left and a rich folkster in a Mercedes to the right. She posited that if the guy to the right in the German car did not have such a good car (read that as not all the money he had), the rummy to the left would be able to have a meal (read that as government hand-out).

Ahhh, says the moron father...yes, but but but, and the kid says NO BUTS WE NEED TO GIVE IT ALL AWAY so that the rummies of the world can get to Burger King STAT! The father should have cut it off right there telling the kid she has no business suggesting the dispersal of HIS hard earned samoleons. Ditto, the father should have cut it off right there by telling the brat that, perhaps, the guy to the left (rummy) should ask the guy to the right for a job, and that what the kid is proposing is communism -- from each accrding to his abilites to each according to his needs. But Karl Marx NEVER did put together a best seller on that score (and it appears the Salwens have; see Barnes and Noble), but that is getting ahead of our opus.

To make that long story short, the Salwens SOLD their home for $800k, elevator and all, and gave half dough away to some seed eaters in Ghana (what ever happened to that Atlanta rummy right around the corner from them?).

And now, they are on the book tour.

We posit a few points here:

At first I was pondering saying what a true moron the guy is, but hey, the guy's got quite a financial head on his shoulders. Wealth is all fluid -- Look at it this way...he sells the ranch for a good a good bowl of rice, puts on the sneakers and runs for the hills. That's one way around the housing crisis.

But even better, he invests HALF of what he sells by dumping it off to some cuckholds out of the country (out of the country because inside the U.S.A. we could actually see how useless it is to give money to porch-sitters). I say "invests", because he writes the book about the experience and now he's rolling in the dough from Amazon, B&N, and all other sorts of cash registers, doing the tours, doing voice books and becoming a celebrity of the benificent type, just like that little girl who wrote a letter to Gorbachev in the 1980's (by the way, that kid died when she was about 13, I believe, in a private plane crash on way to a publicity event).

There is a moral to this story:

There are many folks who've come forward with interesting ways to sell a home and maximize profits in these hard times -- staging, loan take backs, point buy downs, rent-to-owns, who knows?..., but this guy wins the contest.

He sold his house for a best selling book writing career.

Bravo

Wheel Estate Redux

I have been driving a Yaris these days. It appears to be, at this point at least, the only car that has not been recalled by Toyota.

Perhaps my Yaris is truly a super car, but perhaps there are other reasons for no recall and herewith are but a few speculations:

There are but a handful on the road. The numbers sold are counted in tens of thousands, not in millions like the Corolla. Perhaps Toyota forgot to recall them.

I paid a mere 13k for the jalopy. I suppose, if there is something wrong with the chariot, just dump it out on Monday morning with the rest of the recycled cans and plastic (the Yaris, I have been told, is made of aluminum recycled cans).

And, perhaps, anyone riding around in a little car made from Dr. Pepper metal deserves to die, so no bother for a recall.

Yet, as I go off to present a property, I am confident that the brakes will work at 30 MPH and the car (unlike the Prius) will not get stuck at 90 miles per hour (I doubt my Yaris will crank out 60 MPH without the hubcaps falling off).

Now I know what you all are thinking. Does he not look like a fool driving up a sales meeting whilst driving a Tonka Toy?! Where is his sense of status, his sense of lording over the baffled customer; the shock and awe of a BMW?

Ahh, yes, I have addressed that. You see, in this age of less is more, or if not more than just the best we can do, I feel the BMW or any other Luxury car from one of the former AXIS countries bespeaks a pompous and out-of-touch message. Unemployment is rising and this chump is driving up in a Lexus -- a new one??? -- damn I'll be damned if I'll give that parasite a lick of business.

Ahhhhh, but as I drive up in the Yaris, clean and shiny humming of cheap gas consumption, I am ever asked, "What is that little thing?"

A Yaris, I posit. Gets me where I need to go fast, easy, and simple. I can park it in the smallest of wedges. I am in and out. And with my business booming right now, I need to move, and move fast. Now how about this home...let's take a look and see what it does for you, shall we?

Status symbols are everywhere --- just remember symbols say, hard workers DO.

Don't Cry for Me, Agent Tina.....

Yesterday, being Washington's birthday, I decided to plaster a bit of personal honesty on Facebook -- that rightly maligned piece of crap that the kids use to coordinate their drug deals all the while being watched by B&E folks looking for a sap to tell the world he is on vacation for the next 5 days...

My bit of honesty took the review tense. It noted that I HAD been gone for 9 days. It opined that "nobody" noticed.

Today, as I check emails, messages, calls, letters, carrier pigeon guano, and all other manner of communication avenues, it is clear that my "nobody" opinion was a tad off the mark.

Herewith are a few comments that came by the assorted info-hiway splatters:

"Are you dead?!?!...I heard so, call me if you are not."

"Hey baby, you lookin' for a good time in Woburn?" (Emailer had the a wrong addy -- that's what happens when you drink mercury instead of margaritas.)

"Hey, it's me...call me, ok uhhh, I was wondering about that house." (Who are you?)

"Hey, it's me...did I just call you or did I dial wrong? OK so either way, call me."

"I'd like to order a..." (We cut that one off right there.)

"Msng U in Woburn. (What's going on up there.)

"OMFG whre hv U gone?" (Joltin' Joe has left and gone away)

"I was wondering if I can set up an appt to meet with yu and see if you think I can sell my house in Belmont" (I actually responded to that one while I was in Southern Climes)

"Viagra Cheap!" (I don't want the Viagra to be cheap...I want the DATE to be cheap!)

"Hi this is Tina from XXXXXX Realty, I mean Betty, Bettina, Elizabeth, Liza...god so like I can get so many names out of Elizabeth, and I forgot which one YOU call me, so call me." (For the record, I call her "BETH"!!!!!!!)

I guess I was missed after all...

Con-DUMB-iniums Redux

Thought I would repeat these words of wisdom scribed long ago. It seems some in Belmont have not learned the lessons. Read on....


Condominiums have been around for years, and they have played a vital role in the housing, well being and financial dealing of folks all around the country. My own forey in Condo land began and ended happily. I have nothing but fond memories of that little slice of heaven (very little -- 330 sq ft.) I called home in the North End of Boston.

But there has been, in the last ten years, a newer trend in Condo conversions: the two-family conversion. This ditty, while it has all the wrappings of the 10, 20 or larger editions of the product, is unique in that -- well it is 2 units. I have seen documents put togther by quick sell 2 family owners that leave much to the imagination. Lots of questions, lots of fights.

You see, good readers, the larger condo associations operate like little city states. The citizens of Athens get together and Aristotle tells everyone that the building needs painting. Plato says something about the paint has to come from the stars, and Socrates is just trying to get everyone to vote before he has to limp off and take poison. They vote and they do -- or don't paint.

The 2-fam condo is more like a marriage. Ponder it: the two parties live in the same structure, have the usual domestic quarrels, deal with the breakdowns and leaks, squabble and spat over who should do what and, in general, are on their own in the cold cruel world. Yessir, a lot like a marriage, except you probably will never get a chance to see the other party in the arrangement naked.

Come to think of it, the 2-fam condo is more like an ARRANGED marriage; the papers are passed the money flows. Then you meet the other party (where, at least in the arranged marriage, you WILL get to see the other half naked).

But, few and far between are the arranged betrothals these days, and I should hazard that 2 Fam unions should be entered into with all the sanctity of an espousal made in heaven, not "Vegas".

So herewith, a few observational pointers for any dear readers who may be pondering "getting down on one knee" with Offers to Purchase in Hand:

1. Meet the other owner -- If this is "not possible", then run...put yourself back into the dating scene. Buyers who like a home will spend time cruising around the neighborhood, getting a feel for the whole environment and its people. Why not do the same thing for "the people" living under the same roof as you?
2. Know the structure. -- Everything should have accommodations. Firm up the holes over how things are paid. No round to-its, -- as in "I'll get around to it". Cut those schedules into stone and stick to them.
3. Know your electrical lines, especially in the basement. Know your water lines, especially in the basement.
4. Let the other party know when you are doing work on your part of the plantation. Even if it is simply painting, let them know. Smells permeate. If it is piping, wiring or any sort of invasive improvement, make sure all work channels through common wall space. If you plan to sand your floors this Tuesday, first make sure that the better half in the bottom unit did not just get off the Swing Shift at Raytheon.
5. After having sanded those hardwood floors, do not take up tap dancing.
6. If it does turn out that your marriage is not one of heaven and you falter in the above or any other areas, keep my number, (617) 470.8085, close by. I have lots of intimate "singles" waiting when you and the other half bust up. You may not get a chance to see anybody naked, but at least you will be able to leave your dirty laundry in the basement.