Thursday, December 27, 2007

What to do with the Swamp...

...Do you have that lot in the swamp, that piece on the rocky slope that cannot be attained for six months during the ice season, that Condo converted from a 2-Family? Well, there is something you can do! We'll get to that in a moment, but first we must introduce our inspiration.

These folks at this link are marketing a fun and educational (don't you hate that phrase? I think they use it for Chia Pets!) way to own Real Estate. You can buy a postage stamp size plot of land, have the deed, title, porperty tax liens and the whole 9 yards in any and every state. Be a Donald Trump! So the web site screams. Loads of fun for the kiddies. I can just picture the young lads and lassies throwing out their XBoxes for the chance to stare at a property deed all day. Wow! This is more fun than having a star named after you! (Talk about money for nothing!) Oh yes, my brother paid to have a star named after me. Never could find its twinkles in the heavens...must have gotton sucked into the same black hole that took my "Bro's" cash. But back to real estate.

So if you do have that swamp to sell, that rock, that desert, New Orleans, whatever, subdvide into postage stamps and market it as an educational experience.

The kids'll hate you for being a nerd, but the lawyers will love you for life.

Monday, December 24, 2007

It's the holidays

"Hey cut me some slack. It's the holidays."

I heard that little plea for "mercy and charity" in South Boston yesterday. A unique choice of wording, but then, it was in front of the Boston Beer Works emporium, not exactly the place one goes to hear performances of Robert Frost -- that is Robert Frost, the poet, not to be confused with the more famous near name sharer who put on a hat and "came to life one day".

The two gentlemen were debating a certain space on the road. One thought it fit his car rather well, the other thought his lawn chair -- at that moment in the spot -- looked just fine and dandy there, thank you, and wanted to keep it there, at least until the "Mrs." returned from the local Stop and Shop with the last minute goodies.

Readers, I am sure you get the drift -- they were fighting over a parking space.

Mind you, these pugilists fighting over 8 feet of tarmac were in my way; just in front of me was the chair, blocking my access to the thoroughfare was the Buick. My geographic expert readers will be able to plot with all the precision of a Garmon that I was, in fact, parked behind them and trying to get out.

"Fellas," I exhaled throught the window, "you think..."

"Hey, cut me some slack, it's the holidays". was the return. I was humbled and cut off.

So much for being nice. Here we provide a transcipt of the further dialog for the readers' edification in the interests of brevity.

Al: "You! Yeah you, you c--k sucking mo--er f--king sons of Bi--ches. Move your m----- f------ sh-t out of my way or I'll get out of this f------ car and kick your f------ Irish asses back to Cork!

Man1 "Oh. sorry, did you want to get out?"

Al. "What the f--- do you think, you f------ ass li--ker?

Man2 "Oh hold it, let me move the car back. I need your spot, anyway, thanks.

And so it all goes, peace for the holidays.

And a great lesson. One really needs to speak the language when traveling in foreign climes, especially if the clime is "Southie".

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

To Sell or Not to Sell...that is the Question

I sent this to a prospect wondering whether they should sell or rent their home:

Some points to ponder on the idea of renting out your property. I hope there is some value here for you. I do have other resources.

How will your choice will affect your cash position?

How willing and able you are to manage a rental property?

Are you buying another home? If so, you may need the proceeds from the sale of your present home to fund the purchase of your new one. If you anticipate that the sale might result in a loss, consider whether it would be better to rent out your present home, at least until the real estate market turns around. You may need to accept the loss to currently realize the cash that a sale now would bring. If the sale results in a capital gain, consider whether you will be able to exclude that gain from federal income taxation. (If you meet all of the requirements, you may exclude up to $250,000; up to $500,000 if you're married and file a joint return.)

If you are not able to exclude all or part of the capital gain, you may need to reserve a portion of the proceeds from the sale to cover the taxes due. Or you may need to defer the sale and rent out your home in the interim.

If you decide to rent out your present home, will your rental income cover the ongoing expenses associated with the property? Will it cover mortgage payments, property taxes, and insurance? If not, determine whether you can afford to cover the difference on an ongoing basis. Will the tenants be responsible for all utilities, or will you have to cover some of these expenses? Consider what your anticipated annual maintenance expenses on the property might be. Most importantly, if the property were vacant even for a brief period, think about whether you could cover these expenses without a steady stream of rental income.

Rental income, realistically is for 10 months a year, not 12. Expenses are 12 months. There will be instances when a tenant stays for a long duration, but when they move out, you will generally be faced with a long period of rehabilitation to bring the property back up to pristine condition.

If you decide to rent out your present home, you'll be a landlord. You'll have to decide whether to manage the property yourself or hire a local property management service. The decision may hinge on whether you are moving a few miles away or a few states away. Familiarize yourself with the various laws that govern landlord/tenant relations. You'll have to meet health and safety code requirements and perform maintenance and repairs on the property yourself, or hire others for these tasks.

Renting out your home can also have tax implications. For instance, if you rent your home temporarily, you may still qualify for the capital gain exclusion when you later sell your home, but that's not the case if your property is considered permanent rental property. Assuming you rent your home on a temporary basis for more than 15 days during the tax year, you'll have to declare the rent you collect as income. However, you can offset rental income with allowable interest and property tax deductions. To the extent that the rental income exceeds these otherwise allowable deductions, you can also claim rental deductions for maintenance, insurance, and depreciation. These expenses, though, are limited to the amount of rental income. Depreciation deductions, it should be noted, may impact the amount of capital gain that you can exclude from federal income taxation when you sell the property.

If you permanently convert your home to rental property, the tax treatment may be different. Before you make the decision to rent out your home, you may want to consult an accountant or other tax professional. If you have friends or colleagues who have rented out their homes, you might also ask them about their experiences as landlords.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Pest Control

This from buyer who worked with the "Very Busy Broker".

"She got us through the sale, and we moved in. Well, actually, according to the law of agency, she got her seller through the sale and we just came along for the ride. We liked the home. Saw it listed in the Boston Globe, and called HER. She she got us through the sale.

"It was after we moved in -- long after -- that we began to wonder about ghosts or something. Little things would happen. The paving bricks in the backyard were uprooted one morning. I said, hmmm, but my wife said, 'Animals.' I could not find my garden hose one day, my rake the next. I lost my potted orange tree.

"One month I noticed I had passed due balances on my telephone bill, and electric bill. I could not remember paying my American Express bill, come to think of it, and when I checked, it was NOT paid.

"I needed air in my rear tire one day. A few weeks later, I needed it in again.

"One day the police showed up at my home while no one was there. They were milling about when I came home. It seems there was a call about trouble at my home, phoned in by my neighbor.

"'Trouble?' I asked, 'You don't seem to be too alarmed.'

"'No, replied the officer, 'We did not think there was a problem, but we had to come out. After all, you live next to her, and he pointed to my neighbor's home.

"The officer continued: 'She calls us about twice a month. Never a real problem. Just annoying to us and, now you. Get used to it. She's the reason they invented fences. She and her kids. The kids will take your things if you leave them out. Never can catch 'em doing it. They are just those kids of people. Pests. Like I said, get used to it."

Dear readers, our buyer is now thinking of putting his home on the market, but assumes he will not have much luck in selling. Everybody, except himself seems to know about the crackpot neighbor.

If there is a lesson here, it may be that one should have a BUYER REP. A good buyer rep -- like me -- will find out by what ever manner if your prospective neighbor is Albert Schweitzer ot Albert DeSalvo.

At any rate, do not go it alone. This is one kind of pest that cannot be sprayed away.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Time is Money

It seems to me that, in our little corner of the world, we take a lot of time telling folks what we do for a living. Now, mind you, I've not made a study of it, but in my line of work, knowing what someone does for his supper is important (that whole financing thing) so we are forever asking.

Now in those climes more simple, perhaps say Kansas, when one asks about the "line of businss" one is apt to hear, "Carpenter", "Salesman", or some such singular appellation.

Here in our out of the way corner of America, when asked about the "job", one hears something more like, "I work for a small start-up on the 128 belt that puts together summation reports on internet traffic and then attempts to dialog with those report subjects to expand the marketing base..." and so on. Now, readers, the just quoted dribble is easily summed up like our Kansas cousins in one word: "telemarketer". So it is with most of our jobs titles -- we take too much time to tell folks what we do.

One is a "Physical Organizational Rectifier", and that is a file clerk.
One is a "Room Parent Advisor", and that is a class mother.
One is a "Web Publisher of an self-indulgent web site like Bostonmamas.com (it is not worthy of a link)", and that is an unemployed housewife.

Our problem is we are ashamed of what we do. We produce nothing, so we call things that are as thin as air, "Products" (The Bostonmamas product is INFORMATION about overpriced junk that most new parents should not buy but will BUY because they are too embarrassed to admit they have naught pot in which to "___". Forget about the downpayment -- buy the stupid gunny sack for 85 "samolions" that holds 25 diapers even though a Shaw's bag will do the trick just as well).

Perhaps we feel that if we can keep a listener on the edge of his seat while we expound on the logistics of our paychecks, it will, in time, come to mean something to us.

But in that meantime, I must say, "I am a Salesman". I am not ashamed of it; neither do I expect to win the Nobel prize because of it. It is what I do -- short, sweet and one word. I sell homes on behalf of folks who want to sell their homes.

And...I can sell yours in an instant.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Location, Location, Location

Up top there is the hackneyed expression, dare we say Mantra of real estate folk. I've never used it myself, for it smacks of late night Real Estate infomercials, but here below is a tale of a small broker who learned the lesson of "location,location,location" the hard way.

The small broker operates out of her house, does, maybe one buyer rep transaction a year, mostly cajoled out of her bridge club or soccer mom connections. A nice little business.

In this particular case, our broker harrangued a friend for weeks about listing a house. The friend had, in passing, mentioned that they were going to sell, and our little broker sprung into action.

Bought a listing post, had a sign printed up, figured out how to do the boston.com thing.

The friend had intended to go to a big office to list her home, but, well, our little broker offered a deep discount on the commission, and she got the listing.

Gave her husband the signage and told him to get a rubber hammer and bang that sign into the front yard of the house.

And our little broker is ready! The phone rings within an hour and our little broker is set with her appointment book. She takes the call:

"How may I help you?" she asks.

"You're the one who needs help," a disturbed voice wreaks, "What the hell is that crap doing in my yard?"

"Pardon?" our now timid little broker replies.

"The 'For Sale' sign, you dope! What the hell is that doing in front of my house. I'm not selling my home. Your sign is up in front of the wrong house."

Now our little broker is a bit flustered, but the selling instinct kicks in -- never let a prospect go before YOU go for the sell. "Well, since it is up," she asks, "are you interested in talking about selling? I am sure the home is lovely and will..."

At which point she is met with a tirade of words not meant for "the King's English."

She is told her sign was, of late, posted on Rolin Place. It may be found in the trash of the subject house on Rolin Place. And, of course, her friend's home is on Rolin Street. Location, Location, Location.

One wonders what the husband had for breakfast that morning, or for that matter, what he had for dinner that night.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Where There's a Will, There's a Way

I hear there is a couple of mid-lifers having a problem selling their home in Pittsburgh. They've come up with a novel way of marketing the home. They plan to give a rather sizeable chunk of money to the soul who buys the house. Sounds normal except for the catch. The "chunk of change" comes upon the death of the "mid-life" sellers.

I plan to keep a tab on how this one plays out, not just because the mid-lifers may be on to something (folks'll try anything in this market), but to see how the "50 something sellers here" make out once the house is sold. I am sure they plan a happy retirement, but one has to wonder about the untimely-ness of it all should something unexpected happen, say radiation poisoning (like that Russian), or a toll booth opens into a hail of bullets (like that "Sonny" Corleone thing).

Come to think of it, the whole thing does sound like a treatment for a macabre sit-com...Where's Owen Wilson when you need him?...Oh, wait a minute, didn't he almost just die?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Flipped Out

This from Diane Tuman as extracted from the New York Post:


Lots of addresses fill up the “most viewed homes per day” table that Zillow data analysts compile. It’s anyone’s guess as to why these homes attract clicks. Maybe it’s the home of a celebrity. Maybe it’s a fabulous home for sale. Or, maybe it’s a home that was turned into a brothel. No, really.

Last week, this home in New Rochelle turned up on the “most viewed” list. New Rochelle is located in New York state’s Westchester County, and is one of the more upscale counties in the U.S., with a Zindex of $638K. Turns out that the fact the home was being used for prostitution was just part of an incredible story:

The New Rochelle police routinely monitor Internet sites and saw an ad on Craigslist for “Grand Opening Special! Hot models, soft sensual touch…New Rochelle has Westchester’s first and only member’s only club for men and women…We offer role play, fetishes, light body rubs, body rejuvenation and dominatrix.”
When the police showed up, they busted a couple who are allegedly mortgage brokers. They were into house flipping (among other things, evidently) and were underwater with a few houses, including this one.
The house is across the street from the Thomas Paine Museum (American Revolutionary who authored “Common Sense“)
The house was on the market for $750K, then lowered to $600K and still wouldn’t sell. It was then rented to families who came and left, fell into neglect and then was turned into a brothel two weeks ago when heavy window-shades were installed and 5-7 cars would be seen parked in front each night.
Rare event in Westchester County? Evidently not. This is the second sex bust in Westchester this year: In March, a dominatrix was leasing a Bedford estate from a rabbinical school next door and faces prostitution charges.

(Photo courtesy New York Post)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I Have Moved to Better Help You Move

I am pleased to announce my affiliation with CENTURY 21 COMMONWEALTH, the number one selling entity in Massachusetts. My new situation offers me a vibrant framework through which I may better serve you -- whether you are a buyer or a seller, the resources and clout behind me now will lead you to the most advantageous pricing in your transactions.

I'd love to meet with you in any of our conveniently located offices to discuss how I may best serve you.

Best of everything.
Al.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

THIS is Veterans Day...

...not tomorrow. It was born out of the paperwork that ended World War I, when the shooting stopped at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11 month of 1918. I would like to have my readers click the link and visit HOMES FOR OUR TROOPS. A non profit organization that aids our gallants in finding what we all want when THEY come back from the war. Oh, they are local to me. Taunton MA.

It is an efficient organization, Gold Starred, and lean -- spends but 7% of donations on operations -- most organizations tout 20% as lean...how's that 7% sound for getting the job done.

So visit. www.homesforourtroops.org.

Let's do for them what they do for us -- "step up to the box".

I will be off the Real Estate today. My old uniform is pressed and ready, and if my kids giggle when I put it on, well, then it was worth any sharpnel I might have taken those years ago.

Al.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

"Wheel" Estate

This from a young agent:

"I set up a little tour -- mom, dad, kid and off we go.

"Before we get to the first house, junior has to go potty, so I pull into a gas station, but..."

Here I interject, "But Mama does not want to sully the Little Prince by allowing him relief in a, shall we say a place below his station?"

Yes she replies.

"So I have to go the the CVS up the road. And it takes forever, and ever. But when they come out the kid is empty, but he mom is full. She went shopping. Takes out a pink little ditty and tells me, 'I love these razors, I can go 3 days without worrying about being sleeveless'. The kid has a gooey candy bar and he's got that -- I'm gonna rub this stuff on your seats -- grim about him.

"And, all the while, while they were in there consumer testing, the dad is in the car with me -- polka faced or dead, I cannot tell -- like one of those statues on Easter Island."

"Bad trip?" I say.

"Get's worse. About a minute after we get to the road, ol' stone face asks me to pull off. Wifey says, 'Oh honey, not again!!' and he says 'Just pull over right here'. I pull over right where he wants and he jumps out, goes into a dry cleaner. He comes out a few minutes later with ... you guessed it ... his shirts...and wifey chimes in, 'Not again, I told you a million times to use Lee's down the road" and he yells, 'But I like this place and they're my shirts and' blah blah blah...

"While all the while the kid is rubbing caramel onto my seats and I know, just know that they are not going to be buying any homes today...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Some Things You do not Need to Know About...

Somerville...

Barak Obama lived here when he went to Harvard.

Hank Hanson, who helped put up the first flag on Iwo Jima (it was taken down and replaced by a bigger one that made it into the famous picture) grew up in Somerville. He was killed on Iwo Jima 5 days after the flag went up.

Archibald Query invented Marshmellow Fluff in Somerville.

Nick Gomez, director of "The Sopranos", is a native.

Lots of real gangsters are natives too.

Somerville is the most dense municipality in New England.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Some Things Your do not Need to Know About...

Newton.

Yes, the Fig Newton was born here. In 1991 the city had a 100th birthday party for the said pastry. A 100 foot "newton" was on hand and Juice Newton performed.

Francis Stanley lived here and most likely drove to work in his "Steamer."

Sam Smith lived here and most likely wrote, "My Country 'tis of Thee". here.

Sasha Baron Cohen "subbed" Newton for a reed-neck southern town part of his Movie "Borat" (the Bed and Breakfast section).

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

What's in a Name?

A lot of folks hereabouts, over the years, have asked me for my assessment on the day's program at the local race track. That's horses of the Secretariat mold we're talking here. Now I know my way around the past performance charts as well as any man -- which means that on those instances when I do go to the ponies, I can expect to get back change from my twenty...and only change.

Well, the other day, on the morning of the Mass Cap at Suffolk Downs, I'm tagged in the local McDonalds by a punter wanting to be in the know. He wanted me to tell him on what nose he should hang his 8 bits when he visits his bookie.

So I finally ask, "Why are you asking me?"

And he says, "Well, because of who you are."

Flattered by his warm and trusting opinion of me, I fish for a few more compliments, "And who am I?" expecting something in line with a "Pope and Tom Cruise" morph.

"You are the president of Hollywood Park." Out with the flattery and in with the bad information. It appears I share a name with an illustrious "Horse Guy". Right name wrong guy.

It's that way with houses. I knew a guy who just fell in love with a house because it was on an Elderberry Street. Loved the name. Did it matter that the house was next to a swamp?...and festooned with skunks? It did, but he went for the name and not was behind the name. Better to buy a great home on solid ground on Skunk Street than on a boulevard of dreams with a great street sign.

So there's your lesson for today. There's nothing in a name. But just to make sure I do not interlope into another man's life, I've researched my moniker and herewith put out these disclosures:

I am NOT the above mentioned horse guy.
I am NOT the Expert on Asian Business relations.
I am NOT the internet geek who came up with something that seems so simple now.
I am NOT the organized crime lord.
I am NOT the windows and gutters guy in Texas.

Oh...I AM, however, the former Golden Gloves boxer. Wanna learn how to right cross your neighbor?

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Some Things You Do Not Need to Know About...

...Medford.

One of the largest bank heists in U.S. History was pulled off in 1980...by MEDFORD Police Officers!

New York's Mayor Bloomberg is from Medford.

James Pierpont of Medford wrote "Jingle Bells". Lydia Child of Medford wrote "Over the River and Through the Wood".

Leopold Trouvelot, late of 10 Myrtle Street (really late) was trying to breed a better brand of silk worm when, in 1868, a few of his moths got free. He, thus, is credited with unleashing the Gypsy Moth scourge that has troubled New England ever since.

Fannie Farmer and her recipes hail from Medford.

The poor girl who was cut up and deposited in a ditch in LA in the 1940's and is today known as the "Black Dahlia" was from Medford.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

The Dog Days

I know the "Dog Days" have gone: the calendar has flipped and we turn our attention to the harvesting of the crops...stop me -- the closest thing to harvesting I do is picking through the grapes on sale (.99 a pound!!!) at the Star Market.

So what about the Dog Days?. Well, herein, they relate to the dogs on the road. You know, the cuddly ones -- off leash -- that "will never hurt anyone" as their moron owners will attest.

Kids are heading back to school and kids mean walking (not as much as before). Little bodies hop-skip-and-jumping their way to some round faced school marm waiting for her apple (wait a moment, that's "Little House on the Prairie"). The point is, however, kids are small, and to them dogs are big. According to stats found on the site, "dogbitelaw.com", the jaws and claws of "Fido the Friendly Dog" accounted for over 330,000 emergency visits in the most recent year of collected stats. That is second only to baseball/softball.

Each and every one of those 330k blood gushers was caused by a dog that "would not hurt a fly" as owners say so often. Well, I am sorry, but insects not withstanding, I am not interested in a dog's friendship with flies (or fleas for that matter).

When a neighbor allows a dog to stand free, a child is at risk, ans an astute child will be fearful for his safety. And a child fearful for his safety because some boorish owner considers his pooch to be a grand member of society worthy of free roaming is a child in a neighborhood that is diminished and small; made small by small minds of self serving louts.

So let the kids go to school assured in the safety of the streets. Leash and restain your animal. Give children the chance to be better than you. Live in a kennel if you must, but do not ask others to do it with you.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Labor Day Stats

Some info on how good we -- Americans -- I mean are doing. This from that Associated Press. All this is predicated on whether you believe the flaks at the United Nations. It must, I fear, have some sort of factoring to account for the real estate agents you see shopping at Target during the mid-day. At any rate, we are working hard and putting up the numbers. Now how about that house you were looking at? Just a short run from transportation, schools and shopping (Target).

GENEVA - American workers stay longer in the office, at the factory or on the farm than their counterparts in Europe and most other rich nations, and they produce more per person over the year.

They also get more done per hour than everyone but the Norwegians, according to a U.N. report released Monday, which said the United States "leads the world in labor productivity."

The average U.S. worker produces $63,885 of wealth per year, more than their counterparts in all other countries, the International Labor Organization said in its report. Ireland comes in second at $55,986, followed by Luxembourg at $55,641, Belgium at $55,235 and France at $54,609.

The productivity figure is found by dividing the country's gross domestic product by the number of people employed. The U.N. report is based on 2006 figures for many countries, or the most recent available.

Only part of the U.S. productivity growth, which has outpaced that of many other developed economies, can be explained by the longer hours Americans are putting in, the ILO said.

The U.S., according to the report, also beats all 27 nations in the European Union, Japan and Switzerland in the amount of wealth created per hour of work — a second key measure of productivity.

Norway, which is not an EU member, generates the most output per working hour, $37.99, a figure inflated by the country's billions of dollars in oil exports and high prices for goods at home. The U.S. is second at $35.63, about a half dollar ahead of third-place France.

Seven years ago, French workers produced over a dollar more on average than their American counterparts. The country led the U.S. in hourly productivity from 1994 to 2003.

The U.S. employee put in an average 1,804 hours of work in 2006, the report said. That compared with 1,407.1 hours for the Norwegian worker and 1,564.4 for the French.

It pales, however, in comparison with the annual hours worked per person in Asia, where seven economies — South Korea, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Hong Kong, China, Malaysia and Thailand — surpassed 2,200 average hours per worker. But those countries had lower productivity rates.

America's increased productivity "has to do with the ICT (information and communication technologies) revolution, with the way the U.S. organizes companies, with the high level of competition in the country, with the extension of trade and investment abroad," said Jose Manuel Salazar, the ILO's head of employment.

The ILO report warned that the widening of the gap between leaders such as the U.S. and poorer nations has been even more dramatic.

Laborers from regions such as southeast Asia, Latin America and the Middle East have the potential to create more wealth but are being held back by a lack of investment in training, equipment and technology, the agency said.

In sub-Saharan Africa, workers are only about one-twelfth as productive as those in developed countries, the report said.

"The huge gap in productivity and wealth is cause for great concern," ILO Director-General Juan Somavia said, adding that it was important to raise productivity levels of the lowest-paid workers in the world's poorest countries.

China and other East Asian countries are catching up quickest with Western countries. Productivity in the region has doubled in the past decade and is accelerating faster than anywhere else, the report said.

But they still have a long way to go: Workers in East Asia are still only about one-fifth as productive as laborers in industrialized countries.

The vast differences among China's sectors tell part of the story. Whereas a Chinese industrial worker produces $12,642 worth of output — almost eight times more than in 1980 — a laborer in the farm and fisheries sector contributes a paltry $910 to gross domestic product.

The difference is much less pronounced in the United States, where a manufacturing employee produced an unprecedented $104,606 of value in 2005. An American farm laborer, meanwhile, created $52,585 worth of output, down 10 percent from seven years ago, when U.S. agricultural productivity peaked.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fat Heads

Not long ago in these parts I put down a little ditty called "10000 Steps". You may find it herein at your convenience. Basically it dealt with why we have become a bunch of butterballs. We'll get back to that.

Many years ago a "muck-a-muck" from some drug company gave a speech to his shareholders. He said, in effect, that the company was not going to get big so long as the company sold drugs to sick people. He said the company would get big if it sold drugs to healthy people. And so began the era of the manufactured disease. Now the normal flows of life are given syndrome and disorder names reduced to initials: ADD, ED, and so forth -- you know them. No longer do we live with ourselves, we live with the drug company's excuse for what we do and have become. My favorite, of course, is the drug for the guy who needs a drug to have sex. In my early days, you needed a drug to make the girl look pretty (booze did the job, too), but you didn't need it to -- shall we say -- uh perform. Now it is Viagra or Cialis replete with the warning of the 4 hour erection. This 4 hour ditty has a name too -- Priapism (who comes up with this stuff???). You are warned to call a doctor if your 4 hours are ... up. I would have thought, in these parts, with a 4 hour job going, one may want to call "the Mayflower Madam" rather than the sawbones who gave you the scrip.

Another aside: One of my dad's friends was talking about Viagra and wondering if you could get it "over the counter". My dad replied, "Maybe, but you'll probably have to take a whole bottle all at once."

Now what does this have to do with anything? Well, readers, it appears researchers in that bastion of good health and enlightened despotism -- Louisiana -- believe they have found a virus that makes people fat. ADENOVIRUS - 36 (AD-36), related to the virus that gives us sniffles, is now responsible for making us large hulking slobs -- and the drug companies are thrilled for now they have yet another excuse to sell us along with the drug. Have a sniffle?...eat a TWINKIE and take a pill.

Virus or no virus, drug or no, the surest way not to be fat is to be fit. Eat to your activity and not beyond it; walk the way our bodies have developed to walk. And, for goodness sake, when you buy your house from me, make sure it has a big lawn. Buy lots of grass seed instead of that pill, and mow that grass yourself.

The drug companies will hate you but your body will say, "AHHHH..."

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Some Things Your Do Not Need to Know About...

...Watertown.

Helen Keller lived in Watertown at the Perkins School for the Blind.

Cambridge's Mount Auburn Cemetery is, in fact, mostly in Watertown (except for the front gate area.)

Members of the rock group Click T live in Watertown.

Eliza Dushku of "Tru Calling" and "Buffy", among other things, graduated from Watertown High School.

The Revolutionary Provisional Congress moved to in Watertown after getting booted out of Concord by the British.

Ditto the Congress after it got booted out of Boston by the British.

Babe Ruth's first wife died an anonymous death in Watertown.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The Pan Does the Work but the Dish Gets the Glory

Never could figure that one out. That one, up there at the top of this page. The ditty about pots and pans from Juliachildville. Well, actually my old Grammy used to say it. Today, however, it is all as clear as crystal.

We lost the listing. It expired. We told them the home was priced too high, it would not sell. They refused and we held. Held to their price. We told them where is should be priced and they held and we showed and OH'd ourselves to death.

Now the listing is gone. And we have gotton a rather humble call from another broker. They have been given the listing. The listing price? Within $5000 of where we wanted to place it. So today I am the pan and that other broker is the dish. I just hope the next listing I get has a new kitchen.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Some Things You Do Not Need to Know About...

...Arlington.

Jimmy Doolittle may have spent "30 Seconds Over Tokyo", but he spent much of the other time of his life in Arlington, MA.

The town is named for Arlington National Cemetery and was changed to the current monniker in 1867 from the Algonquin name.

We all know of the great battles of Lexington and Concord, but we do not know that half the fatalities of that April day occured not at the famous sites, but, in fact, in Arlington.

"Uncle Sam" is from Arlington. Yes there really was an "Uncle" Sam. Sam Wilson who stamped his barrels with US before he shipped them to government supply stores. Folks yonder took it to mean UNCLE SAM's property and not UNITED STATES property

Saturday, July 21, 2007

36 Highland Avenue, Watertown


I will be doing stand up comedy at my newly listed property OPEN HOUSE on Sunday 7/22 from 1:00 to 3:00. The address is above. Stop by to see this wonderful and unique 9 room 3 BR 2.5 bath gem with flooring the likes of which you won't see anywhere. BEAUTIFUL. Parking for oodles of cars, great sunset views off the deck. Grape vines with GRAPES to eat growing on the property, yumyumyum. See you.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Winkum and Blinkum and Nod...


Sometimes a house talks to you. Sometimes it cries at the end of the day as it bemoans the weight it has to bear. It creaks and groans throughout the night as it gives back the fottfalls and burdens that have pounded it during the day. Sometimes, however, it just flirts:

"Hi there big guy," it says and it gives you a wink. "Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"

So it is with this house.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Broken (or is it Broker) English

Now, I am not perfect, but I do try to write with style, flair and something akin to the "King's English." I do try to write with dignity and attempt to pass that on to my readers, whether they be viewing a blog, a letter or a listing sheet.

Below is a listing. It is here printed, good readers, exactly as it appears: spelling, spacing and intent have NOT been changed.


Come show and sell this Beautiful 2 family in an excellent area,close to everything. Home perfect for owner occupancy.Each unit offers 3 levels of living area, seperate off street parking,private fenced-in yard(flat)for entertaining.Home is in Great condition. Priced for quick sale.Best offer can own this highly desired home. Call Now!!! Bring Your Best Buyers.Bank approval with all offers. Serious inquaries only,please. Have your Offer forms and Check books ready!!! Thank You.

Someone needs to go back to school,...or at least, back to the spell check.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Super Savings!

Not long ago readers saw a ditty here about a buyer who chose his banker because the pens worked at the branch office where he'd turn in his pocket change (see Financial Arrangements).

Here with we expand on the subject and present a buyer who chose a lawyer with an equally eclectic methodology.

This chap, we'll call him Frugal (Froogie for short), dabbled through the Yellow Pages for names of the local barristers.

"Well," he reported, "'twas like picking horses in the Derby. One looked all like the others.

Until, Froogie admitted, "there was this one guy with a coupon."

A coupon?

"Yeah,...$25.00 off the first hour of billing. I liked that."

But does he know his stuff.

"I hope so. But he's trying to drum up business, he seems hungry. And I liked that. I'm hungry too. Got myself a prime rib at the Stockyard with the twenty-five I saved. It worked for me."

As ever, readers, you should consider the solicitation of professional help in all endeavors.

There are a few questions here: does this lawyer accept competitior coupons?...does he "double coupon"?...and what about bottle deposits on the empties?

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Life, Liberty and...

...
We all know those words, but but herewith is a bit of elaboration...I bet ya did not know the inspiring scholors of the founding fathers were real estate brokers!

The phrase is based on the writings of John Locke, who expressed a similar concept of "life, liberty, and estate (or property)". While Locke said that "no one ought to harm another in his life, health, liberty, or possessions", Adam Smith coined the phrase "life, liberty, and the pursuit of property". The expression "pursuit of happiness" was coined by Dr. Samuel Johnson in his 1759 novel Rasselas.

Written by Thomas Jefferson, the words in the Declaration were a departure from the orthodoxy of Locke and Smith. Locke's phrase was a list of property rights a government should guarantee its people; Jefferson's list, on the other hand, covers a much broader spectrum of rights, possibly including the guarantees of the Bill of Rights such as free speech and a fair trial. The change was not explained during Jefferson's life, so beyond this, one can only speculate about its meaning. This tripartite motto is comparable to "liberté, égalité, fraternité" (liberty, equality, fraternity) in France or "peace, order and good government" in Canada.

The phrase can also be found in Chapter III, Article 13 of the 1947 Constitution of Japan.

An alternative phrase "life, liberty and property", is found in the Declaration of Colonial Rights, a resolution of the First Continental Congress.

Happy Fourth to all. Call me at the office (see the right side of your screen) if you want to make yourself happy by buying a property (it'll make me happy too!).

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Some things you do not need to know...

...about Waltham.

The city is known as the "Watch City", but you know that. Some 40 million Waltham Watches were built and the world is more "on-time" for it. Mike Case, late of the History Department of Boston College, however, likes to point out the lovely paradox of the city that corraled time yet overslept on the big day.

You see, readers, during that whole, "the British are coming, the British are coming" thing going down in April of 1775, while communities big and small had their sons up at the crack of dawn to shoot it out at Lexington (just north of Waltham) and Concord (one town northwest), the good settlers in Waltham overslept. Not a single Walthamer was awake to put the flash in the pan and knock down a Brit. So much for clock work action.

To their defense, I must point out that there was no Waltham Clock manufactory in 1775 and, at any rate, the city today has a great restaurant row...reservations accepted for 7:00 PM SHARP!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Devil Made Him Do It

And now for a little local color.

Hotter than... it is today...My younger one want to go to to the public pool in my little corner of the world. Not a bad idea.

The Underwood Pool in Belmont Massachusetts has the distinction of being the first public pool in the United States -- assuming you exclude as pools the cesspools of Upton Sinclair and the riverways of Mark Twain.

Plopped down on land donated by William Underwood, it is an icon worthy of fame to any man, yet our Mr. Underwood, like so many greats, holds claim to another title of fame.

Yes, the Devil was the source of Mr. Underwood's wealth. We're not talking Mephisto here; we're talking Underwood Deviled Ham.

Not to be the only multi-man from Belmont, we may offer you the diversity of Robert Welch Jr.

Scurry from the pool's location on Concord Avenue up yonder about a one minute walk towards the center and stop at 395 Concord (next door to the post office). Today the building is the Armenian Studies Center, yet until 1958, it was the headquarters of one of Mr. Welch's babies -- the John Birch Society. If that nugget leaves a bitter taste in your mouth the ponder another of Mr. Welch's inventions: it is sweet, it is refreshing, it is "delicious" as Seinfeld's friend Kramer says.

Yes readers, we are talkng about nothing less than the Junior Mint.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Robot House



I like the way kids give directions. Nothing bland like, "First right after the Sonoco station." or even, out of the dashboard, "turn... at... next... left... 100...yards..." and so on. No sir, not for kids.

My own kid informed me that the way to her friend's house was the right after the robot house.

How, I wondered, would I know what the robot house was, but wouldn't you know it?...there is was. What a house, what character! What directions! And it does look like a robot!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Financial Arrangements

Everything is flying along to a closing. The meeting of the minds between buyer and seller is done and now the two parties begin the process of separating as day by day, owner lets go and buyer pulls it all together to take over.

"How's the financing coming?," I ask.

"Fine. Easy."

No doubt the buyer has launched himself into finance world with all the force of a V2 rocket. "I went with Cambridge Savings Bank."

My interest is piqued as to how the choice was made.

"Well," he says, "whenever I go there to make a deposit, the pens work and they are never out of deposit envelopes. And I LIKE that."

So the biggest financial decision of a person's life is made on the basis of the supply of ink and paper?

"Absolutely."

I ponder this for a moment and think, wait, maybe there is something to this. A place that pays attention to detail -- you know -- a "take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves" sort of thing. Move over Wall Street, a new financial analyst is moving onto Main Street in Watertown.

As allways, dear readers, you should check with your financial analyst before making any decision. I will be checking in with mine -- on Main Street.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Open House Saturday 6/16 1:00 to 3:00 PM

I will be doing an Open House in Arlington. It is a house with character and History. You may visit this house at OldHouses.com. The link will open in a new window.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Sub-Marine Warfare

Some kids, oh say about 12-13, are sitting on the porch talking about the new baby in the neighborhood. They asked me if I had seen it and what I thought it looked like.

"Well," I say, "to me all newborns look like Winston Churchill." I am met with blank stares. Now think of it,-- newbies are mostly bald, and round and wrinkled -- you know, like WC, except newbies don't have the stogie hanging off their lips as they stare down the Luftwaffe. Obviously, the 12-13ers did not get the joke.

"Like what?" says one.

I ask them if they know who Churchill was:

"Oooh, oooh, oooh, wait," says one, "Yes I think I know this one...He's the voice of Mermaid Man on Spongebob, right?"

How, I wonder, could any soul confuse Winston Churchill with the great American Oscar winning actor, Ernest Borgnine (think fast who plays Mermaid Man's sidekick on Spongebob -- hint -- think McHale's Navy [yes a Borgnine TV show] and who played McHales's sidekick?).

"Churchill", I say, "you know the 'We shall fight them on the Beaches', Churchill, the 'Never in the field of Human Endeavor' Churchill, the 'Iron Curtain' Churchill..." and then the torpedo...

"Well", says one of them, "whatever, Spongebob is just re-runs now anyway and I like Squidward's voice the best anyway, and did you know my Dad keep a stash of Tootsie Rolls in the glove compartment of the van and..." I think about just how peaceful and perfect this neighborhood is. I would not want it anyother way There's a property going up for sale a few houses down. Call me at 617.470.8085 for a showing: I'll lay off the history lesson

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Courtesy of Real Estate Humor

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a real estate agent who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"

One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a real estate agent!"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a real estate agent!"

Monday, June 11, 2007

Timing is Everything

This from the School Crossing Guard at the corner of Godin and Washington.

"This lady rolls her Volvo up Godin the in the wrong direction. I stop her and tell her that during school hours this street is one way and that one way is not the way she is going.

'She tells me, 'But it is Sunday.'

'Monday,' I tell her and she insists,

'If it is Monday, where are all the kids?'

'In the school.' and then I see her kids huddled and snickering in the back seat, 'All except your kids.'

She gives me a look like I'm from the Outer Limits, then looks at herslf in the mirror like she's a cast extra from the Lost Weekend.

"She turns to the kids, 'You knew, didn't you!' then just like out of another time, she yells, "Just wait 'til your father gets home!' and she wheels the car about and heads to the school drop off.

"Ya can't believe the things you see."

Friday, June 8, 2007

Town Day

Tomorrow, June 9 a big Town Day in Belmont. All sorts of stuff going on. There's the annual Carnival on the gorunds of the High School (there is an Open House not far away..stop in). There is the town picnic, and, of course, there is the threat of rain -- exciting.

Walk the streets, get some exercise, see the Town of Belmont.

Just follow the lights of the Ferris Wheel (and the noise of the folks). Oh, you'll recognize me...I'll be the guy with the hot dog.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

One Liners

And now for my occasional feature where I cut loose with some of the quick flips that pass by or filter through my brain:

The Real Estate Sales Lady is married to the son of the largest Funeral Director in town. I suggested to them they print joint business cards that have the slogan, "One way or another, we're going to get you into land."

A guy is listing his house -- a small job with an "in-law" apartment up top -- for sale and he tells me, "I've lived here for 36 years and I don't regret one day of it."
Mournful statement until he says, "The one day I don't regret is March 17, 2005. It was my mother-in-law's funeral."

I'm taking a family on a buying tour and decide to treat them to lunch at the Andros Diner on Trapelo Road in Belmont. Mom asks the daughter, "Of all the places we've been to, which do you like best?"
"This one," the girl says, "they feed us here."

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

"My Little Corner of the World"

That is a song title up there. The song itself was playing on the radio yesterday as I was tooting about my little corner of the world (Belmont, MA). It was playing on WJIB (740 AM) on the -- dare we say in this age of push button optimization -- dial.

Salesfolk, whether they be the dynamic Ben Gay III types, or closer to the mark, more of the Willy Loman strain, tend to have one thing in common. They drive. They may drive a Ferrari or Yugo but they drive hither and yon in their endless pursuit of taking what one person does not want and getting it to someone who does want it.

That much time on the road, in my case the local road, means we live with our radios, and my radio is tuned to the little gem noted above: WJIB 740 AM Cambridge/Boston.

Where else will you find Louis Prima followed by "Bread" followed by Dean Martin followed by Anne Murray, Kate Smith, Gordon Lightfoot, Midler, Glen Miller, Steve and Edie, "elevator music", Satchmo, Beethoven (yes), and so on WITHOUT commercials.

I am brought back to that more gentile time when dad wore fedoras and moms were class mothers, not "Parent room advisors" and FM was a something one would write about for a school science project. Things do change, but thank goodness,thanks to WJIB the music need not. Tune in, if for nothing else the eclectic mix of things you may never hear again.

The station has NO website but click this link if you wish to learn some stats about it.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Con-DUMB-iniums

Condominiums have been around for years, and they have played a vital role in the housing, well being and financial dealing of folks all around the country. My own forey in Condo land began and ended happily. I have nothing but fond memories of that little slice of heaven (very little -- 330 sq ft.) I called home in the North End of Boston.

But there has been, in the last ten years, a newer trend in Condo conversions: the two-family conversion. This ditty, while it has all the wrappings of the 10, 20 or larger editions of the product, is unique in that -- well it is 2 units. I have seen documents put togther by quick sell 2 family owners that leave much to the imagination. Lots of questions, lots of fights.

You see, good readers, the larger condo associations operate like little city states. The citizens of Athens get together and Aristotle tells everyone that the building needs painting. Plato says something about the paint has to come from the stars, and Socrates is just trying to get everyone to vote before he has to limp off and take poison. They vote and they do -- or don't paint.

The 2-fam condo is more like a marriage. Ponder it: the two parties live in the same structure, have the usual domestic quarrels, deal with the breakdowns and leaks, squabble and spat over who should do what and, in general, are on their own in the cold cruel world. Yessir, a lot like a marriage, except you probably will never get a chance to see the other party in the arrangement naked.

Come to think of it, the 2-fam condo is more like an ARRANGED marriage; the papers are passed the money flows. Then you meet the other party (where, at least in the arranged marriage, you WILL get to see the other half naked).

But, few and far between are the arranged betrothals these days, and I should hazard that 2 Fam unions should be entered into with all the sanctity of an espousal made in heaven, not "Vegas".

So herewith, a few observational pointers for any dear readers who may be pondering "getting down on one knee" with Offers to Purchase in Hand:

1. Meet the other owner -- If this is "not possible", then run...put yourself back into the dating scene. Buyers who like a home will spend time cruising around the neighborhood, getting a feel for the whole environment and its people. Why not do the same thing for "the people" living under the same roof as you?
2. Know the structure. -- Everything should have accommodations. Firm up the holes over how things are paid. No round to-its, -- as in "I'll get around to it". Cut those schedules into stone and stick to them.
3. Know your electrical lines, especially in the basement. Know your water lines, especially in the basement.
4. Let the other party know when you are doing work on your part of the plantation. Even if it is simply painting, let them know. Smells permeate. If it is piping, wiring or any sort of invasive improvement, make sure all work channels through common wall space. If you plan to sand your floors this Tuesday, first make sure that the better half in the bottom unit did not just get off the Swing Shift at Raytheon.
5. After having sanded those hardwood floors, do not take up tap dancing.
6. If it does turn out that you marriage is not one of heaven and you falter in the above or any other areas, keep my number, (617) 470.8085, close by. I have lots of intimate "singles" waiting when you and the other half bust up. You may not get a chance to see anybody naked, but at least you will be able to leave your dirty laundry in the basement.

Monday, June 4, 2007

O.H. Redux -- You can't make this stuff up

I am down in the basement with a rather attentive couple. They are asking this and they are asking that and I am smelling "Offer to Purchase". They head out the basement door to talk things over and I head back upstairs to attend to the footfalls of other prospective buyers. I hazard not more than a small glance at the old woman sitting serenly at the kitchen table. I do notice, however, that she has a bemused calm about her, as though the years between the gentile time of her day and the harsh electronic nonsense of today have filled her not with a sense of doom, but of blissful longing for a simpler time.

Great, I say to myself. Perchance she will have a good word with one of the other prospects -- the one with whom she came. She'll say something about how the house glistens with the charm of another time and she would happily bequest a chunk of her estate to the purchase of this property.

I spend a few minutes in this agent reverie, and even pass her again. I proffer her a smile and a "How you do?"

"Oh, fine," she says, "A cup of tea would be nice about now."

I smile and joke, "I'll see what I can do, but right now I MUST excuse myself to attend business."

"You're excused," she says.

A few moments pass, and, inexplicably, my O.H. is empty. I catch my breath to prepare for another wave -- the final 15 minutes. I sigh and think about how hard we sales folk do work -- sometimes. I begin to expend air into another sigh, when that mournful moan is cut short by one from another set of vocal chords...coming from the KITCHEN.

It is the serene old lady. Sitting there, calm as ever.

"Is there something I can do for you?" I ask her.

"That cup of tea you mentioned would be nice."

"Are you with someone."

"Heaven's no. I walked here all alone. When will Ida be coming home?"

At this I quake, for there is no Ida in this house, and I duly report this to her.

"Oh!", she exclaims, "I must have walked into the wrong house!" and she gets up to head to the door rattling off a litany of apologies the length of which you would expect to hear from a "Perp" who just got nailed stealing the Police Commissioner's car.

I tell her it is all right. I close up the house. I offer her a ride. She accepts. My reveries of a fat commission check are put on hold, and as I drive her down the road, she breaks me from my dismal state when she asks, "Tell me young man, that Green place that is in the center of town, that Starbucks,...do you think they might have a cup of tea in there for me?...And you?

Sunday, June 3, 2007

O.H. On the March

12:00 to 2:00 172 Brattle in Arlington
1:00 to 3:00 18 Cuching in Medford

Stay tuned for OH Reflections -- coming later today.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

O.H. redux

Don't forget. I'll be at the Open Houses this Sunday. The 172 Brattle St in Arlington runs from 12:00 - 2:00, and then I will zing off to the 18 Cushing Street OH in Medford from 1:00 to 3:00. (I realize I will not be in 2 places at once, but Scotty's been tuning up the transporter so I should be able to transfer fairly fast.). One of my colleagues will be at the houses when I am not. Hope to see you!

Friday, June 1, 2007

"O.H." ing


For those who have asked, yes I will be on the Open House curcuit this weekend. I will be at 172 Brattle Street in Arlington, MA and 18 Cushing Street in Medford, MA. Check your local listing for game times, sports fans (always wanted to say that!).

Brattle Street is a charmer for the first timer, condo alternative, or a great looker for the downsizer. See my review of it from 2 days ago.

Cushing Street has explosive income potential on a quiet street. A 2 unit job with a finished thrid floor that could make for a stupendous master bedroom. Now it is an exercise/playroom.

So stop in and tell a joke or hear a joke, and don't forget make an offer. I'd love to see ya.

For more information, visit John Montanro RE.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

A Little Courtesy Won't Kill You(r Business)

The little old lady took "forever" to cross the street. It was enough to drive the BMW guy nuts. Just as she was lollying up to the curb, he tooted the horn, giving the old soul the shake of her life. She dropped her grocery sack, and her oranges dribbled onto the same path she upon which she had so recently labored.

Of course, by this time the BMW was gone. One wonders about such moments. Perhaps some Quixote could have galloped to her rescue, or or perhaps took off to joust with the vehicle. But I, rather, wonder about a lost opportunity.

Brokers do tend to be courteous on the road. Maybe it is just an extention of the business, but I rather think it comes with the territory -- literally. RE folks spend their days criss-crossing the same town, seeing the same pedestrians, the same motor habits. They know the streets, but above all they know the old lady who has just been scared from here to "who laid the rails". To the BMW guy, she is a visual of waste; to a broker, a pause to allow her to do her transverse may well be that starting point of a new listing.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The House on the Hill


And now a chance for me to show you the House on the Hill. A 6 room charmer with a semi finished basement in Arlington MA, this is one of three houses on the street built by a father for his children in the late 1920's. The house has been updated with modern amenities that keep the elegant character of a by-gone day. The Gardens grow flowers and edible berries, and yes, it is on the top of a hill. Listed at $399,000. For more information,and more pictures you may contact the listing broker, John Montanaro 24 Trapelo Road, Belmont MA 02478 (617.484.2494). This home is a great Starter or Condo alternative, or a splendid "downsizer".

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

10,000 Steps

Our bodies are essentially the same sacks of matter as the bodies of the folks living in these parts some 10,000 years ago. Now I know someone is going to say we are better than the primordal coot rubbing sticks together for a fire as the better half sits in the mud hut, but really when you think about it, are not we that way now? I mean give it some thought and you will note that our homes are brick, stone, cement, stucco -- whatever: when you ponder it, all that stuff is essentially glorified mud. And as for the fire, well, my neighbor took a good half hour getting the briquettes sizzling so he could grill up the ol' brontoburgers this week end just done.

Where we do DO differ is in our methods of locomotion. 10,000 years ago our humanoid ancestor was more like the traveling salesman -- except he had to travel, find the pig, then kill it before he could bring home the bacon for pre-history's answer to the BLT.

Today there is the Stop and Shop, or the Shaw's or any other emporium you may name. And we don't chase and kill the Impala -- we drive in it.

We no longer are taking our 10,000 steps a day. We are Virtual touring, Virtual office"ing", Virtual everything. Except our food is not Virtual. And we are getting fat. We eat too much.

Think it over and you will see how, in even the last 20 years, we have lost our steps: The media remote everytime we change a channel -- 15 steps lost; the cell in our pocket -- 30 steps lost everytime we do not get up to answer the call; the drive through window -- 100 steps; the Hallmark email greeting to Grandma instead of the letter mailed -- 250 steps to and from the Post Box.

Every 25 steps a person takes will burn 1 Calorie. The above examples measure up to about 16 calories of fat stuck on the ribs. Those 10,000 steps we do not take represent about 400 calories of surplus lobbering down there; turning that belly button from an "outy" into an "inny".

What does this have to do with Real Estate? Well, how about scrapping that Virtual tour and taking a real one? Pick your town and walk the streets, hear the birds, feel the pavement under your feet and see if a tax assessment may be in the offing (no V-tour will show that). Then, if you are in my area, call me and I'll walk over and meet you at the corner of Elm and Godin with a lock box key to anything you want to see.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Marching Orders

A friend of mine reports that this morning, Memorial Day, 2007, he was paying respects at Mount Auburn Cemetery when out of a cluster of folks some ten feet away he heard, "...wonder how much those houses would be worth if this place wasn't here. I mean, who wants to be next to a bone yard?"

At first my friend found the comment in poor taste but then he realized that we all try to laugh at our fears. Perhaps the ultimate and final piece of Real Estate scares us so far into our wit's end, that we say the implausable. He watched as the cluster formed into a family cohort and marched off. He noticed the sad perplexed eyes of everyone in the group, the confusion of this place and this time. My friend did not go to read the headstone. He left that family's history to itself.

No real estate on this day for me, for today does not belong to me. The threatening skies may damper many cook-outs here in New England, and that is all right, for these hours belong not to the BAR-B-Q table either. This day belongs to others and I will give them my thoughts today. Tomorrow I will return to what I love to do, knowing that I can do what I love because of what THEY did for me.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Comes with Tenants

A nice two family. Two beds on the first floor; three upstairs. Third floor is semi-finished; lots of potential.

The owner has a disclosure: "The house has ghosts. They've been here since the 60's," she says, "Is this a problem?"

"Only if the unit is rent controlled," I tell her.

She proffers me details. Something about an ancient North American burial ground being disturbed when the house was built in 1960. How does she know this? She reports that she has been reincarnated. In a previous life, she was Pocahontas. Never mind that Pocahontas's real name was Matoaka (Pocahontas was a nickname), and that Pocahontas never got to within 300 miles of Watertown, Massachusetts. How come everyone who has been reincarnated was someone famous in a previous life? I mean, I have never heard of someone saying, "I was a real estate broker during the Black Death of 1348."

N'er you mind, readers. Turns out, the ghosts are mild mannered, quiet and courteous...none of that haunting stuff. Maybe a little "Everly Brothers" music from time to time but that is o.k. More like Casper kind of ghosts -- they've never bounced a check, I would guess.

But as the owner disclosed the information, so too do I report this to prospective buyers, and guess what?...folks think it is cool -- true or not -- the woman is getting offers. Even better, the family across the street has a teenager who prefers to dress in that dismal black Goth style. She looks like a VAMPIRE to me. Maybe I'll have her come over when I run the next Open House.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The Very Busy Broker

So my cell goes off and I see that the ringy-dingy is wrought from the hands of the "Very Busy Broker" (I know, that is fancy way of saying my caller ID works just fine). I'm showing a property in Arlington, but the call from the Very Busy Broker comes at a good time. My buyers need a few moments to their thoughts. As they ruminate over dollars and decorations, I excuse myself to take the call.

"Hello," says the Very Busy Broker, "I am very busy today, but I have 10 minutes right now and I would love to run through your listing at...," and she prattles off a property about 20 minutes away.

"But," I reply, "I am with some folks right now. I could touch base with you in 20 minutes..."

"But," she interjects, "I will be busy in 20 minutes."

Mind you, the Very Busy Broker has not closed house in 6 months. Buyers and sellers may wish to remind themselves that being busy does not mean being productive. My kitten stays busy all day chasing her tail, but that is not "closing any houses". Holding one's schedule up as though it is as immutable and all powerful like some biblical tablet brought down the mountain side will not bring buyers to the seller's table. Cooperation and a yielding to the needs of others brings everyone to a happy conclusion.

By the way, my buyers made an offer. The Very Busy Broker, however, missed her appointment. She got pulled over by an undercover "badge" for running a stop sign in Waltham.