Con-DUMB-iniums

Condominiums have been around for years, and they have played a vital role in the housing, well being and financial dealing of folks all around the country. My own forey in Condo land began and ended happily. I have nothing but fond memories of that little slice of heaven (very little -- 330 sq ft.) I called home in the North End of Boston.

But there has been, in the last ten years, a newer trend in Condo conversions: the two-family conversion. This ditty, while it has all the wrappings of the 10, 20 or larger editions of the product, is unique in that -- well it is 2 units. I have seen documents put togther by quick sell 2 family owners that leave much to the imagination. Lots of questions, lots of fights.

You see, good readers, the larger condo associations operate like little city states. The citizens of Athens get together and Aristotle tells everyone that the building needs painting. Plato says something about the paint has to come from the stars, and Socrates is just trying to get everyone to vote before he has to limp off and take poison. They vote and they do -- or don't paint.

The 2-fam condo is more like a marriage. Ponder it: the two parties live in the same structure, have the usual domestic quarrels, deal with the breakdowns and leaks, squabble and spat over who should do what and, in general, are on their own in the cold cruel world. Yessir, a lot like a marriage, except you probably will never get a chance to see the other party in the arrangement naked.

Come to think of it, the 2-fam condo is more like an ARRANGED marriage; the papers are passed the money flows. Then you meet the other party (where, at least in the arranged marriage, you WILL get to see the other half naked).

But, few and far between are the arranged betrothals these days, and I should hazard that 2 Fam unions should be entered into with all the sanctity of an espousal made in heaven, not "Vegas".

So herewith, a few observational pointers for any dear readers who may be pondering "getting down on one knee" with Offers to Purchase in Hand:

1. Meet the other owner -- If this is "not possible", then run...put yourself back into the dating scene. Buyers who like a home will spend time cruising around the neighborhood, getting a feel for the whole environment and its people. Why not do the same thing for "the people" living under the same roof as you?
2. Know the structure. -- Everything should have accommodations. Firm up the holes over how things are paid. No round to-its, -- as in "I'll get around to it". Cut those schedules into stone and stick to them.
3. Know your electrical lines, especially in the basement. Know your water lines, especially in the basement.
4. Let the other party know when you are doing work on your part of the plantation. Even if it is simply painting, let them know. Smells permeate. If it is piping, wiring or any sort of invasive improvement, make sure all work channels through common wall space. If you plan to sand your floors this Tuesday, first make sure that the better half in the bottom unit did not just get off the Swing Shift at Raytheon.
5. After having sanded those hardwood floors, do not take up tap dancing.
6. If it does turn out that you marriage is not one of heaven and you falter in the above or any other areas, keep my number, (617) 470.8085, close by. I have lots of intimate "singles" waiting when you and the other half bust up. You may not get a chance to see anybody naked, but at least you will be able to leave your dirty laundry in the basement.