Stah-bux, the Starbucks mystique

As news goes, one could do worse than the on-going dribble about the closing of Starbucks slop shops around the country. So it is that in my little corner of the world, the front page story in the local rag this Friday last was about the storm and stress ("Sturm und Drang" for you Beethoven and Schiller lovers) over the possible closing of the local bean brothel on Mount Auburn Street. You know the place -- it is where they have funny names for the coffee -- tall, taller, tallest or something like that.

Now, mind you, I've got nothing against bean counters, or businesses that make their customers bend over for it before they get their coffee, but I do wonder about the Hub-hub of it all.

And here is where it all falls into place. Let's jump shop and cut off across the street to the Girl Scout who has her little stand set up. She's selling lemonade. And that is what Starbucks is doing -- if you are stuck with a lemon, make lemonade.

Starbucks, itself is putting this into the news (making lemonade). Other companies cringe at the thought of this being on the news, but not our Green Joe. Taking its lead from the Happy Hooker and embracing the philosophy that ALL publicity is good, Starbucks puts out bulletins and updates on the progress of the closes. The web site has up to the minute flashes on the situation and you can download a list. It's a CNN! Coffee Nerd Network.

How will all this play out? It will all be fine. The closings on the list (I looked) have pattern: however unscientific, and with the notable exception of (you guessed it, Cambridge MA), seem to be in areas of hairy women -- Louisiana has a lot, the untamed areas of Florida (where Mah-Jong is as yet not played), the Mamie Yokum climes of Tennessee. You get the stringy picture I am sure.

As far as Cambridge goes, well, the thunder thighed daughters of Zeus rollerblading down Brattle Street in tank tops that exhibit the truth that they each have the "armpits of a champion" will have their Starbucks. Thankfully I won't be there when they bend over. I'll be at Arum's (on Trapelo). The cup ain't fancy, but at least I know what to call the stuff.

And, of course, if your still need your Starbucks, then I can tell you I know of one shop that is not closing and there IS A HOUSE AROUND THE CORNER from it FOR SALE!