Money moneymoney muhhhneee...

Do you know which special interest has given more money to the Obama campaign than any other?

If you guessed "trial lawyers" -- well, okay, that's too easy. But can you guess which special interest came in SECOND?

Labor unions? Nope. The Green Lobby? Nope. AARP? Wrong, again. NEA? Nyet.

Give up? Okay, here's the answer: Wall Street.

That's right. Wall Street securities and investment firms have given over $35 million to OBAMARAMAS this election cycle. That is nearly five times the amount they've given to McCain.

If you've been wondering why the financial industry has been in meltdown -- and taking your 401(k) or investment portfolio down with it -- now you know.

Let's face it: The former frat boys who populate Wall Street today understand economics about as well as the pinko professors whose courses they snored through.

That's why betting their entire industry on "subprime" loans to people with no jobs and no collateral made sense to them -- and why betting the entire U.S. economy on the likes of Obama makes sense to them now.

These jokers don't even know what's in their own self-interest, much less yours. Trusting them with your money is like trusting Bill Clinton to babysit your underage niece.

A Piece of History

Oh, brother, what I could do with that title up top. But here is is used in the more pedagogical bent, so say -- educational vein, for those among you who would want to deep space "9" into the mind of the agent.

That phrase is used to conjure an image of respect and awe when selling a property. An old property. I must admit, that I've never used said jargon as it bespeaks to me the true nature of the structure, by way of reading between the lines: -- read a piece of S&%T; as in HORSE, or DOG or BULL. Not that new construction is any better; those cardboard shacks painted neutral tan and "staged" like a Saturn V rocket (1969 Moon launch) are just as worthy of the fertilizer farm.

I prefer the non monikered home. As it were, the refuse to submit to age discrimination and call a house by its qualities, and not make issue of age. Save the age for the wifey...you know, ol' bat, ol' battleax ol' buzzard...

Looking for Home in All the Wrong Places

They were living in one town and searching that town on the internet. They were looking in the WRONG place.

Then they came to me. I assessed their needs and wants for size, school, location and budget.

Then I brought them to this home. "It looks like a little bed and breakfast!” they cried, delirious with joy. We "Closed" in 30 Days.

Their daily commute to work is cut from 45 minutes DOWN to 10. And they have the perfect home. I took them to the RIGHT place.

That is "StreetSmarts"!
If you are thinking of SELLING, call me. Buyers are fumbling in a virtual world, but your home is in a REAL world. I'll help them find you. I'll bring them to your door.
If you are BUYING, come talk to me. Your home is waiting; you are just not looking in the RIGHT place.
Put "StreetSmarts" to work for you. Let me go to work for you.

It takes a lot more than...

It takes A LOT MORE than SNAPSHOTS and OPEN HOUSES and Internet exposure to sell your home. In fact, studies show that prospective buyers use pictures, open houses and the Internet to find houses they DO NOT want to buy.

That’s where my “StreetSmarts” comes in FOR YOU. I spend three hours a day, 6 days a week, 50 weeks a year on the sidewalks, roads and by-ways of our town. I meet face-to-face with folks in their apartments and houses. I do not wait for them to come to my listings. I bring my listings and YOUR HOME to them. I’ve placed 5 first time buyers in their homes in the last 2 months. My contacts are waiting for your home.

LIST YOUR HOME WITH ME. Let me put YOUR HOME in my pocket and walk it around town. You’ll be happy with the results. All Real Estate is, in the final analysis, LOCAL, and if a picture is worth a thousand words, then a good pair of walking shoes and a solid hand shake are worth an album of snapshots.

Call me, email me, or stop by and let me get to your forYou.

I am Century 21 COMMONWEALTH. What may I do for you, today?

Ad Copy

When they write -- they mean...

Old charmer - an old and ugly house
Stunning house - the house is not ugly
Tudor - two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter
Cape Cod - styled after Third World slum dwellings
Sunny corner lot - noisy intersection of two busy streets
Easy freeway access - noisy arterial street close to freeway
Low maintenance lot - no yard; the kids will have to play in the street
Meticulously maintained in the original condition - the appliances are 50 years old
Ready to remodel - the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in
Newly remodeled kitchen - 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents
Ready to move in - the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint
Desirable neighborhood - this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
1 car garage - you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door
In-city living - it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark
Recreation room with wet bar - basement has been painted and has a faucet
Large family room - large basement
Bedroom in basement - basement has a 1′ by 2′ window
Lots of storage space - basement too small to be called a family room
Partial mountain view - you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof
Territorial view - good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
Build sweat equity - the house is not inhabitable
Storybook - the house is old and the roof is not flat
Efficiently designed kitchen - the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time
Seasonal creek - muddy ditch across the property
Usable land - all the trees are gone.
Doll-house - tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.
Country living - too far from anywhere to drive to work
Country in the city - a grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I
Cozy - not a single room could fit a full size bed
Three season sunroom - a small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate
Close to all amenities - the backyard is a shopping mall parking
Beachfront property, complete remodeling in 1996, a steal at this asking price - hurricane Andrew motivated the remodeling; no hurricane insurance available, at any price
Must see inside - the outside is ugly
Motivated sellers - subtract 15% from the asking price
Easy to heat - see “cozy”
Wildlife nearby - children and pets get ticks and fleas
Near transportation - Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night
Pet friendly neighborhood - organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn
Neighborhood watch - your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house
Just available - previous owner just died on the premises, hope you don’t believe in ghosts

Redirected

Usually I get a few call on Friday nights. A few folks think they can get a jump on the weekend home buying scene and they use the said prime time to call on homes. I love it.

Not this Friday last however. I wondered why. It was 08/08/08. Lucky numbers. Was it Kharma? Was it celebration of Little Hailey Hauer, born on that morning at 08:08 AM and weighing in at 8 pounds 8 ounces (metric nerds...eat your heart out)? Young Miss Hailey H. will no doubt figure out for herself that "H" is the 8th letter in the alphabet.

Was it John Edwards coming uhhhhh clean on his affair. That would have made for great Presidential fodder. Think of the headlines -- "EDWARDS ADMITS TO HAVING 'FIRST LADY OF THE NIGHT'"?

Whatever, no calls. It was, after much thought, simply the Olympics kicking in. Lots of fireworks and people running around in funny colors -- The Sports World morphs into Disney. Beach Volleyball as a Gold medal sport uh-huh yeah (women jumping around in bikinis -- oh yes).

I took the time off from the phones. Watched the History Channel.

Today is back to business. 8 is lucky, they say (except in billiards). I've got a great house numbered 88. Take your Olympic endorsement cash and use it for the Down Payment.

From the Home Front

Two stories crossed the wires that, when combined, offer a tantalizing look at what? the markets?

The first is Viagra -- that, yes, it may actually work for women! Now, there is a caveat -- anything with women has to have a caveat. It may only work with women who are on anti-depressant drugs, so I reckon, there is no caveat after all -- they are all on A-DCs.

The second is that women are leaving the workforce to become, dare I say it Stay-at-home-moms? No doubt there will be some more business like token for the spot on a kin with "multi lateral business development manager in charge of base operations" but that is another story.

Put those two dittys together, and more babies cannot be far off. Who says the housing bust is a bust! Dad will soon be working overtime to support the new ranch Mrs. Postpartum is crying for...

Unless...there is another scenario. The world is already full of housewives clipping information form one site and pasting into their own as "CONTENT" on their BLOGS. The term blog. I believe is named for them -- Bored, Lazy, Overweight, Gals. There are a gajillion of them out there, but there is room for a few thousand more whining hags like "One Chic Mama". Oh puhleeze, goils!!! Can't you just sit home and wash the diapers? No one really wants to know about this over priced gizmo or that unnecessary junk that hubby will have to buy for you.

Save the money, you are going to need it for the down-payment...or the Viagra.

Stah-bux, the Starbucks mystique

As news goes, one could do worse than the on-going dribble about the closing of Starbucks slop shops around the country. So it is that in my little corner of the world, the front page story in the local rag this Friday last was about the storm and stress ("Sturm und Drang" for you Beethoven and Schiller lovers) over the possible closing of the local bean brothel on Mount Auburn Street. You know the place -- it is where they have funny names for the coffee -- tall, taller, tallest or something like that.

Now, mind you, I've got nothing against bean counters, or businesses that make their customers bend over for it before they get their coffee, but I do wonder about the Hub-hub of it all.

And here is where it all falls into place. Let's jump shop and cut off across the street to the Girl Scout who has her little stand set up. She's selling lemonade. And that is what Starbucks is doing -- if you are stuck with a lemon, make lemonade.

Starbucks, itself is putting this into the news (making lemonade). Other companies cringe at the thought of this being on the news, but not our Green Joe. Taking its lead from the Happy Hooker and embracing the philosophy that ALL publicity is good, Starbucks puts out bulletins and updates on the progress of the closes. The web site has up to the minute flashes on the situation and you can download a list. It's a CNN! Coffee Nerd Network.

How will all this play out? It will all be fine. The closings on the list (I looked) have pattern: however unscientific, and with the notable exception of (you guessed it, Cambridge MA), seem to be in areas of hairy women -- Louisiana has a lot, the untamed areas of Florida (where Mah-Jong is as yet not played), the Mamie Yokum climes of Tennessee. You get the stringy picture I am sure.

As far as Cambridge goes, well, the thunder thighed daughters of Zeus rollerblading down Brattle Street in tank tops that exhibit the truth that they each have the "armpits of a champion" will have their Starbucks. Thankfully I won't be there when they bend over. I'll be at Arum's (on Trapelo). The cup ain't fancy, but at least I know what to call the stuff.

And, of course, if your still need your Starbucks, then I can tell you I know of one shop that is not closing and there IS A HOUSE AROUND THE CORNER from it FOR SALE!

Mean Streets

We are waiting for the buyer's agent. I am here. I am here with the buyer. I am here at my listing, ready to show the listing because the buyer came here to meet his agent, and the agent is not here. The buyer is angry. I am here because I got a call:

"I called your number on the sign. She does this all the time. You betta get here if you want to sell this dump"

I tell him that I cannot do anything. I tell him he has a written agreement. I tell him about a little ditty in our business called "Procuring cause".

He tells me fine. Get here anyway. I come.

"You wanna pay her a commission for doing %$&@#, THAT IS OK. I want to see the house."

By now SHE has arrived. "Hi," she blurbs. "My 'GARMIN' was wacky, I named the route but I used an old name and it started to take me to the home on the other route and then I turned but I went the..." and that is your answer.

Readers --- IF YOUR AGENT NEEDS A GPS DEVICE TO FIND HER WAY AROUND YOUR MARKET, THEN GET ANOTHER AGENT!

An agent who does not know the streets, cannot know the houses, or for that matter, the dirt under them. Licensed Housewives who cannot negotiate a road two stop lights from their Betty Crocker kitchens are not AGENTS -- they are, well housewives with business cards that hubby bought for them.

Agents who don't know the left from the right, are not agents -- they are the lowest of the low -- they are used house salesmen.

Obama for Real Estate Agent?

It is a good thing the up top listed political flak is running for President and not for the more lofty position of Agent. If he would to run for Agent, he would most likely lose his license for his most recent actions.

It seems the inexperienced poppin-jay has told prospective cash cows that they could win a chance to be on the podium when he accepts his nomination. Pony up $5.00 and you could be up their smelling the snake's Aqua Velva. It works, essentially, like any automatically entered contest that Pepsi, Coke, or Trojan condoms throws upon the consumer. Except in the world of Obama-rama (campaign laws) such giveaways are illegal. One cannot be given compensation for kindling any sort of a donation to a flak's campaign -- poor baby, he don' know that yet.

Real Estate agents know what can happen in their world if they do that. They be put outta this line of work. Call it what you like, but you cannot give out gift incentives to buy. Whatever cash or kind is transpiring, must be written into the Purchase and Sale Agreement.

Not so for the Presumptive two face and November Also ran (although the fake polls tell otherwise). Just imagine. If 5 bucks gets you on the podium, 10 bills should get you a chance at an ambassadorship to a "STAN" country (Afghanistan, Turkistan). 50 should pull down a scratch ticket to an "IA" (India, Bulgaria). A full grand should get you one of the cool countries where folks know how to use toilet bowls.

Me? I'll be the one and only vote Senator McCain gets from Massachusetts. I won't blow a grand on a chance at a cool ambassadorship...after all, I just remodeled my privy and have a new toilet.